Today, my husband ran in to get something, shouted that he “had to go, I’ll call you later, bye” then ran out. At no point did he notice the wrapped present, his favourite meal and beer, and me naked on the living room carpet waiting to celebrate his birthday. I still don’t know where he is. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my husband said he was going to get errands. According to his job’s Instagram page which I follow, he was actually at his work Christmas formal. He never invited me. That’s not all. I also found his wedding band in the bathroom sink. Very close to the drain. FML
Today, I planned a surprise birthday party for my boyfriend. I invited all his friends and made all his favorite food. He was running very late, so I called to ask what was taking so long. His response? He said he was at his house, with the very friends I was standing next to. FML
Today, it's my 30th birthday. My husband came home with a big case of beer for himself, then told me he didn't have time to get me a present because of work. FML
Today, I bought my wife chocolates and a rose. When she got home, I told her I had a surprise but then I couldn’t find the chocolates or the rose anywhere in this frigging house, they were just gone. I had to pretend the surprise was going out for dinner but still, where the fuck did the rose go? FML
Today, I called my husband during my lunch to tell him that I wanted to go out tonight for my birthday. We got in argument because he said we couldn't afford it. When I got home from work, he was gone, so I called his cell to see where he went. Answer: to the bar with his friends. FML
Today, it's my husband's and my first wedding anniversary. I came home from work hoping for at least a bouquet of flowers, only to find my husband passed out on the couch, with a few beer cans next to him. I guess I missed the party. FML
Today, my husband thought I was still asleep while he was getting ready for work. How do I know? I watched him grab a condom out of his nightstand and put it in his lunchbox. FML
Today, my husband thought it'd be funny to trigger the alarm in the house while I was sleeping. Shocked, I ran outside naked. FML
Today, my husband stood me up for his birthday dinner, that I'd made, in our house. FML
Today, my husband popped out to the hotel gym while I jumped in the shower. After a while I heard a knock on the door. Thinking it was him, I cheekily opened the door in my naked glory to be greeted by the maid. I didn’t know do-not-disturb signs aren’t double sided. FML
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Top comments
FluffythePink 23
🫂 There's nothing on this planet more oblivious than a bloke in a rush for the pub. Leave everything there, get into your PJ's and enjoy your evening. Just hope he's not having a run a mate to the hospital or something...
GoogieWithers 25
I agree. Hope it's not an emergency.
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Comments (4)
FluffythePink 23
🫂 There's nothing on this planet more oblivious than a bloke in a rush for the pub. Leave everything there, get into your PJ's and enjoy your evening. Just hope he's not having a run a mate to the hospital or something...
GoogieWithers 25
I agree. Hope it's not an emergency.
d j mom 9
drunk his beer and return his present. don't cook any dinners until he apologizes with flowers and dinner out
Hangryko 32
Eat the meal (if you have no food sensitivities), drink the beer (if you don't drink, pour it out), and don't acknowledge his birthday. No "fun time," either. Give the present to charity. If it was an emergency, it would have taken him two seconds to say so. F your life.
poopface82 25
My first thoughts were that he’s cheating or he’s a workaholic, but meeting his friends at a bar is more likely.