Today, I had to buy a new vacuum cleaner. My previous one stopped working, because apparently, my boyfriend has been using it to suck up our puppy's shit from the floor. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I bought a new vacuum cleaner after having to go several months without one. Immediately, I wanted to try it out. I must have underestimated how powerful it was, as it sucked up my socks and then broke. FML
Today, my dog pooped on the floor, and the Roomba my sweet boyfriend bought me as a housewarming gift, ran over it. FML
Today, while I was at my job as senior care, I was in a client's home vacuuming the carpet and found a very used vibrator that belonged to his wife. It wasn't clean. FML
Today, I came home to shredded tissues all over the floor. I yelled at my dog, who looked guilty but confused. Turns out, it wasn’t him, it was my robot vacuum cleaner again. It had sucked up a bunch of tissues and napkins from under the couch and then spread them all over the place like confetti. I owe my dog an apology. FML
Today, I finally tested out my new robot vacuum cleaner. My puppy decided she would test it out too by leaving a brown surprise for it to find, which it did. There are now brown marks in every room of the house. FML
Today, I wanted to clean my house. Of course the vacuum cleaner got stuck behind furniture multiple times. After the fifth time or so, I gave it a good pull. Now my vacuum cleaner is broken and the socket is off the wall. FML
Today, my hammerhead of a dog decided to "help" me clean by grabbing the vacuum cord and dragging it across the house, knocking over everything in its path. The house is somehow messier than before I started. FML
Today, I walked in on my boyfriend peeing in the cat's litter box. I'm the one who has to clean it out. FML
Today, my husband thought it was the best idea ever to clean the cat's litter box with the brand new vacuum cleaner instead of tipping it into a bin bag. My house now fills with the smell of warm cat piss every time I hoover. FML
Today, I invited my boyfriend over to meet my new puppy. My dog decided to take a dump on his lap. He is now not talking to me because he thinks I trained my dog to do that. FML
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Top comments
marcranger 29
If it's a girl puppy, then you do have 99 problems of which a bitch is one.
madskittlesftw 5
Why would he do that..?
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Comments (95)
madskittlesftw 5
Why would he do that..?
RentaName 15
Laziness...
winnerme123 8
Because it is smart... Until the vacuum breaks.
madskittlesftw 5
You'd think it'd start to smell though..
patrickalamo 48
Because the dog shit on the floor
KeeganFromKent 0
Becuase he's smart, im just jealous i didn't think of it first.
marcranger 29
If it's a girl puppy, then you do have 99 problems of which a bitch is one.
yoyoforpeace 14
That is actually a brilliant idea. Invent a better one that doesn't break.
hama806 19
Thank you OP, you just gave me a great laugh.
arinmon 5
?
PinkieKeen 20
99 problems but a shit is one
bestnameright 14
What a (you can guess what word goes here ;) situation! Haha but really he sounds like a keeper that's hilarious even if he didn't do it to be funny.
OhAidan 7
Hilarious in an idiotic way?
lonkite101 14
When you said "He's a keeper" it kindve made me think of what you call a relationship. You don't break up with people because of a small thing like that. Now that's idiotic.
gc327072 31
Did you seriously just use two overused catchphrases (shitty situation & he's a keeper) in a single comment?! Man, what a clusterfuck!
TurkeySlab 9
Third!! Guess someones full of shit
soullessgingers 0
Seems like a smart one. Tell him to grow a pear and pick it up with a bag.
LiterOfCola 16
Why would he have to pick up his pear with a bag?
soullessgingers 0
Pick the shit up with a bag.
gracehi 33
You don't understand why people are picking on you, do you?
naughtylez82 4
Ummm pair. There you go and no need to thank me
Warden1986 16
In the event of a soulless ginger: remain calm, remain quiet, and pray that mighty penguin will come to save the day with ever so defending quietness!
NeonPopRocks 14
52- Congratz! you win the idiot Grammar Nazi award! Pair generally means two items or objects that are together! And a pear is a type of fruit! No need to thank ME!
xXHollowIchigoXx 17
#27 to him, he thinks they're picking on him for no a-pear-ant reason.
boofgall 16
57- Your display picture shows up on google if you type in "emo hair". Try it. Nice fake picture!
xXxIracebethxXx 14
57 - I laughed so hard from how badly you failed, I literally fell off my bed and got the wind knocked out of me. What an experience, haha!
CharresBarkrey 16
78 - They also say in their info that they're 17, yet their birthday is in 1998. Herp derp. Just give up, 57.
kenbarbz72 0
That is strangely smart but gross at the same time! I'll definitely take this idea into consideration. At my own risk that is.
tiamathan 5
Nothing smart about it!
Marrach 7
Oh, yes! Clogging up a vaccuum with the smell of shit everytime you use it! I would've never thought of anything this promising.. -.-
xXHollowIchigoXx 17
I picked up dung with a vacuum. Why worry about engine sludge? *engine sludge and shit pours down on me* It was a Castrol GTX commercial reference. Wasn't funny? Ok. I'll leave
darkhakai 18
Did you not just read what the end result was?
copo37 7
Or it could be him using the elephant trunk like attachment for a little r and r. The puppy is just a cover story.
jetsown08 21
That sounds unbelievably painful.
copo37 7
Does it? I mean to people who are in pain fantasies it could be paradise.
karkid619 8
Your picture is a car. Are you a transformer?
copo37 7
Your picture is a tiny man with abnormal hands, are you an ogre?
Cbizzlez 10
That's an expensive pooper scooper
KindaFunnyRight 8
Maybe that vacuum was just a piece of shit!
pbonham 22
That's dumb at it's finest level ^.^
kittytub 12
well... if we were to get technical, it would be dumbness. and "its", not it's, since dumb is possessing "finest level."
gmc_blossom 21
13- You just got told by a cat.