Today, my coworker came over to my desk and told me that I should protect my Twitter updates, because I had unknowingly made them public. My tweets include drinking stories, all the men I've hooked up with, various cuss words, sexual innuendos, and how much I hate my coworkers. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, thanks to my asshole coworker and his obsession of posting pictures and tagging me in them on Facebook after I repeatedly told him not to, my wife found out about a party we had with colleagues only. I’m seen in several photos kissing my work bestie, who I hoped I’d keep under wraps until now. FML
Today, my co-worker, who used to be in a frat with me in college, decided to tell all my coworkers as well as my boss all the stupid things I did in college, starting with the time a girl stole my clothes and I had to walk across campus naked. FML
Today, after working the night shift, I accidentally left my iPod at the office. I woke up later and went on Facebook. To my dismay, I saw some coworker had posted stuff on my wall, such as, "I really have to take a shit!" and "Yes, my tits are real!" FML
Today, my coworker, who has a tendency to overshare, decided to tell me she has chlamydia. I threw my hands in the air and said, "Stop. I don't wanna know." A customer heard this exchange and we were both written up. FML
Today, I realized that my Twitter profile was very public when my business professor made fun of student tweets in class. My tweet went, "Totally bullshitting this business report" about the report I'd just handed in, worth a large portion of my grade. FML
Today, I found out that I drunkenly texted my boss yesterday asking for nude pictures. He sent them. I'm afraid to go to work tomorrow. FML
Today, my boss bitched me out for violating workplace privacy, after he found an FML post from last year that eerily resembled a situation that happened the same year. He thought I posted it and twisted things to make him look like an idiot. I've never posted here in my life. FML
Today, I found out that I made inappropriate sexual comments to my boss while I was drunk on Saturday night. She won't tell me what I said. She just laughs when she sees me. FML
Today, I found out that aside from being savagely overworked and treated like shit for zero pay, another one of my responsibilities as an intern is to take the blame for my boss accidentally posting a link to a porn site on the company's Twitter account. FML
Today, my boss threatened to write me up, after I made a slightly rude joke about a coworker everyone hates. A while later, a colleague told me the same joke. Turns out my boss had gone around telling it to everyone else and taking all the credit. FML
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Top comments
bexox 0
Yeah that's why you don't post shit like that online...
iKaite 0
You deserve it for believing you could get away with it. Twitter is a viscious website that people, anyone, can look at. You totally and one hundred percent de-*******-serve it.
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Comments (159)
ohnoitsmads 0
hahah, I'm sorry. I had to say you deserved it just because I wanted to make it 33333. well, and the fact that you did deserve it.
mikew85 0
Moron.
AnneFTW 17
YDI YDI YDI. You've made yourself sound easy & common too by boasting about all the men you've slept with & cursing.
NightJack 0
Never ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever talk about work on the internet.
starvingxartist 0
YDI FOR TWITTERING or whatever stupid ******* made up verb you use to describe the complete stupidity of spilling attention seeking details of your personal (dumbass) life to the whole world, i.e your drinking binges and resulting sluttiness.
Cazly_420 0
I would not be surprised if you are fired, or at least looked down upon for posting such innapropriate bullshit via twitter. 1. Who would ever care to be constantly updated with your drinking and sexcapades - stop!! 2. Get some dignity, girls who act like you, don't keep guys. Mmhmm. Think about it. Good Day.
Charlie_Whipple 0
Should have read: I use Twitter. FML
ObadiahtheSlim 2
Well looks like the Greater Internet Fuckwad Theorem applies to non-anonymous accounts.
jmoose311 3
Excuse me, but exactly who did you think you were sharing these tweets with, anyway?
primogen18 0
YDI for using twitter. Especially for that kind of whoring shit, you're disgusting and guess what, nobody gives a shit. Grow up into a real human being and stop playing with stupid crap like twitter.