Today, I was working on my new house and I was taking out a large cactus. While picking up the pieces to throw away, I noticed a spider on my forearm. Without thinking, I swiped at the spider with a piece of the cactus. I missed the spider, not my forearm. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I found a big spider on my wall. I have arachnophobia, and I was trying to kill it with my shoe. I pulled back and hit myself in the face, causing me to fall backwards. The spider is still alive somewhere in my house. FML
Today, I was cleaning a pocketknife when I noticed a spider on my leg. My first reaction was to stab it. FML
Today, I saw a spider in my kitchen. Freaked, but trying to be humane, I held out a piece of paper so it would climb on, and I would then put it outside. However, it jumped out of nowhere and landed on my face. My reaction was to whack at where the spider was - my face. I stumbled around, disoriented; the spider got away. FML
Today, I saw what I thought was a spider. Wanting to kill it as quickly as possible, I smacked my hand against the wall with force. It was a nail. FML
Today, I was washing dishes when I picked up a plate and saw a huge spider. Trying to be nice, I took the plate outside and tried to gently push the spider off. The wind blew it into my eye. FML
Today, my house was the only house left that still had its Christmas lights up, so I decided to take them down. Almost done, my fingers brushed over a spiderweb. Startled, I jumped off the ladder and broke my shoulder. Oh, and the spider still managed to stay on my hand, giving me a panic attack. FML
Today, I saw a spider in my room. I got a piece of paper to try and put it outside. As I reached, it jumped out of nowhere and landed on my face. My reaction was to smack where the spider was - my face. I fell on the floor disoriented. The spider got away. FML
Today, I was hiking down a steep hill, and I slipped. I instinctively grabbed the nearest object to me: a very prickly cactus. FML
Today, a spider crawled across my arm. After a quick dance in a fit of panic, I managed to scramble onto my bed. I thought I would stand up to see if I could spot the spider and maybe kill it. I was then promptly knocked unconscious by my ceiling fan. FML
Today, while trying to kill a spider in my kitchen, I thought it would be wise to throw a bottle at it. The bottle hit the wall, bounced off the fridge and hit me in the face. The lucky spider crawled away, and is surely still laughing somewhere. FML
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Top comments
blondie1208 17
spiders. gotta hate those little bitches
glutgyoogle 6
I hate when the spider wins....
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Comments (71)
blondie1208 17
spiders. gotta hate those little bitches
Blueglasscup 18
Shit what about Tarantulas?! Those ******* dicks are gigantic! -shivers in fear-
Pixxio_O 11
This is a continued fml from when op came home to discover that his house had been destroyed on minecraft...
Jaimegirl 7
Today, I was holding a knife in my right hand, all the sudden my left arm started to itch, I forgot I had a knife. FML
eshhayz 0
maybe try anti-perspirant repellent ?
muzzr11 4
It's funny how so many people are completely oblivious to how retarded they are haha
andy_l 14
Moral of the story: don't have ******* cactuses in the house.
androiddestroya 7
ugh... arachnaphobia
ilikesupras 0
you're hot.
HarryMcC 1
I can say I know your pain hope it wasn't a big cactus.
BeastMode5 0
Go back and read the FML honey. -.-
fruitschinpo 0
lol. it clearly stats LARGE cactus. what are you !? blind !?
fruitschinpo 0
states* ^^^^
HarryMcC 1
Sorry, I apologise =)
fruitschinpo 0
worries man =D
flagg1888 3
actually it was a piece of a large cactus, so the size is not defined
sxe_beast 11
"I was working on my new house and I was taking out a large cactus." ...I was taking out a LARGE CACTUS. That's indicative of the cactus itself being large.
JenDanielle917 13
45, it says after that 'as I wa throwing the pieces away' Dont need to be a jackass.
Autosaver 15
Ouch! Hope you feel better. Spiders can be a pain in the butt sometimes. :|
Zareen 0
Like always...
Zareen 0
Always be a pain in the butt...spiders...
glutgyoogle 6
I hate when the spider wins....
CDABXXX 5
You must hate Spiderman.
bawlerr75 9
Well y would you even do that lmfao aha:D that made my day aha
A7X_LoVeee 10
Aha me too aha
bawlerr75 9
It was funny who does that lol but have slammed my hand on the car door while entering the doctors office lol but at least I was already at the doctors office.lol so I probably shouldn't be talking. Aha
ImmaB3AST 7
Spider-1, Dumb person trying to beat it with a cactus-0.
Jacobt24 19
Beat it with a cactus . . . maybe that's how the other guy scabbed his penis
ImmaB3AST 7
Jerking too hard with a cactus? That's more than a scab.
bawlerr75 9
Omg yuu have such an amazing smile :)
MangoRico1 1
Ninja spider... Better sleep with one eye open now...
NomOnShroomz 14
So you ripped off a piece of the cactus and tried (and failed) to hit the spider with it?
ImmaB3AST 7
It says she was picking up prices to throw away.
seeunexttuesdays 6
Pieces* xD
ImmaB3AST 7
I said that but for some reason it went to a completely different comment. (the one of the guy who moderated this). And I was just like... **** it.
dstivers 0
They make items for situations like these. I believe they're called fly swatters. You should look into getting one.
NomOnShroomz 14
I believe those are for flies.
carlieee1 8
15- I'm pretty sure you can use them for whatever the **** you want.
carlieee1 8
15- I'm pretty sure you can use them for whatever the **** you want.
meatwad63 0
Yes as I also carry a flie swatter everywhere I go -.- please don't be stupid.
jellitonoctopus 19
fly*
A7X_LoVeee 10
Who kills a spider with a fly swatter? -__-
1vdog 0
Butt scratcher?
acquiesce 6
Ouch.