Today, I was working on my new house and I was taking out a large cactus. While picking up the pieces to throw away, I noticed a spider on my forearm. Without thinking, I swiped at the spider with a piece of the cactus. I missed the spider, not my forearm. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I found a big spider on my wall. I have arachnophobia, and I was trying to kill it with my shoe. I pulled back and hit myself in the face, causing me to fall backwards. The spider is still alive somewhere in my house. FML
Today, I was cleaning a pocketknife when I noticed a spider on my leg. My first reaction was to stab it. FML
Today, I saw a spider in my kitchen. Freaked, but trying to be humane, I held out a piece of paper so it would climb on, and I would then put it outside. However, it jumped out of nowhere and landed on my face. My reaction was to whack at where the spider was - my face. I stumbled around, disoriented; the spider got away. FML
Today, I saw what I thought was a spider. Wanting to kill it as quickly as possible, I smacked my hand against the wall with force. It was a nail. FML
Today, I was washing dishes when I picked up a plate and saw a huge spider. Trying to be nice, I took the plate outside and tried to gently push the spider off. The wind blew it into my eye. FML
Today, my house was the only house left that still had its Christmas lights up, so I decided to take them down. Almost done, my fingers brushed over a spiderweb. Startled, I jumped off the ladder and broke my shoulder. Oh, and the spider still managed to stay on my hand, giving me a panic attack. FML
Today, I saw a spider in my room. I got a piece of paper to try and put it outside. As I reached, it jumped out of nowhere and landed on my face. My reaction was to smack where the spider was - my face. I fell on the floor disoriented. The spider got away. FML
Today, I was hiking down a steep hill, and I slipped. I instinctively grabbed the nearest object to me: a very prickly cactus. FML
Today, a spider crawled across my arm. After a quick dance in a fit of panic, I managed to scramble onto my bed. I thought I would stand up to see if I could spot the spider and maybe kill it. I was then promptly knocked unconscious by my ceiling fan. FML
Today, while trying to kill a spider in my kitchen, I thought it would be wise to throw a bottle at it. The bottle hit the wall, bounced off the fridge and hit me in the face. The lucky spider crawled away, and is surely still laughing somewhere. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
blondie1208 17
spiders. gotta hate those little bitches
glutgyoogle 6
I hate when the spider wins....
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (71)
perdix 31
We are given brains for a reason. Try to consult it before doing anything violent. Pwn'd by a spider?!?! An arachnid that isn't even a vertebrate! You are an embarrassment to our species.
ImmaB3AST 7
One time I tried throwing a rock at a banana spider in it's web. I hit the web causing it to be almost like a rope swing for the spider. Not sure exactly what happened but I ended up with a big ass spider on my face. IN CONCLUSION, these Arachnids without vertebrates
ImmaB3AST 7
Wow fail... I sent the message. I'll continue... These Arachnids without vertebrates are far more dominant than man kind.
crazycat123 0
PWND by a random guy on FML. xD
zachherbert 10
No. Justin Beiber is an embarrassment to our species.
chambershc 0
Haha yeaaaa
jalapeno97 3
I moderated this one! boom bitches!
ImmaB3AST 7
Shit... Pieces*
Blackxhawk 0
Anyone else notice that this sounds like he was trying to play real life minecraft
iLoveMyLife23 2
That sucks man.
itsallgoodintheh 0
so did you hit your face with the cactus of did you hit your face with your hand I'm very confused also
a6h311h0und 1
*face palm* oh, excuse me *face cactus*
cheer4ever96 8
Ouch. That's why I have other people kill spiders for me.
a_nutritionist 10
...because youre always carrying pieces of a large cactus with you? its for the ladies, right?
KBore19 0
Sounds like the OP was in *puts on shades* a prickly situation.
snail143 0
Oh I don't like spiders! But maybe work on your aim for next time?
K_kanaka 26
Smooth really smooth -__- note: This is sarcasm