Today, my girlfriend won't stop complaining about the recent lack of intimacy in our relationship. There's an easy solution to this problem, but I'm currently covered in poison ivy rashes and she refuses to let me touch her until they clear up. Guess I'd better get used to itching and whining. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I woke up with a rash all across my body. Last night, my boyfriend and I got it on in some bushes, and it seems one of those was poison ivy. FML
Today, I am violently allergic to my boyfriend's new hand cream. I know this because after last night's quickie on the sofa, I now have a rash all over my skin and weeping sores inside my vagina and around my bum hole. FML
Today, my younger brother sat on some poison ivy. He didn't have any symptoms because he's pretty much immune to it. Also today, my boyfriend had to run to the ER because he got poison ivy on his genitalia. I knew they spent way too much time together. FML
Today, months after a severe poison ivy rash, I have learned that I now have a very intense poison ivy allergy. As in, any exposure to poison ivy at all will cause my face, hands, thighs, and groin to swell up and itch madly for up to a week. FML
Today, I found out I'm allergic to my wife's new medicated handcream after I came down with a nasty, itchy rash on my chest, stomach, cock, and balls. FML
Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend for the first time. When I took my underwear off, she looked at my penis, snorted, and covered her mouth. She claimed that her "allergies" were flaring and we have to wait until they clear up. FML
Today, my girlfriend complained about our recent dry spell. I've been under a lot of stress at work, but I told her some things she could do to help. She decided a better idea was to scream that I don't care about her needs, and that I should never "burden her" with my problems. FML
Today, the rash on my thigh started itching again. I felt good after a vigorous scratch, but the relief did not extend to my roommate, who only saw me at my laptop with my hand moving up and down in my pants. FML
Today, after months of lacking intimacy in our relationship, my girlfriend decided to spice things up by covering her naked body with whipped cream. Except, we didn't have any in the fridge, so instead I had to politely lick shaving cream off of her while fighting the urge to vomit. FML
Today, I couldn’t wait to get home and get my boyfriend naked, which I did. Although, to be honest, popping every single pimple in the rash on his back was not the kind of foreplay I had had in mind. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
RichardPencil 32
What did you do to get covered with poison ivy? If your girlfriend finds out, that'll add a few months to your sentence.
whatshername?! 39
So she wants to get touched without getting touched? You could use your tongue, or is also touching?
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (4)
RichardPencil 32
What did you do to get covered with poison ivy? If your girlfriend finds out, that'll add a few months to your sentence.
whatshername?! 39
So she wants to get touched without getting touched? You could use your tongue, or is also touching?
Crowned Sataness 12
cook off plain oatmeal, strain, soak paper towels in the juice and lay it over the ivy rashes. will clear it right up
Rake 18
One can only wonder if she had anything to do with the poison ivy as well...