Today, my racist grandmother was complaining that the new nurse at her nursing home is a black woman. I casually asked, "Is she cute?" I'm now out of the will. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my grandmother called me in a fit of panic because her new neighbors are black. So is my fiancé, whom she is supposed to meet tomorrow. FML
Today, my racist, homophobic, generally degenerate grandmother visited. Within 20 minutes, she uttered multiple racial slurs, said Robert Downey Jr. will burn in hell for playing a black man in one of his movies, and yelled that she'd "whip the piss" out of me, after I asked her to leave. FML
Today, I asked my grandmother what she looked like when she was young. She casually replied, "I was ugly, sweetie. Just like you." FML
Today, I had to explain to my grandmother why, "What a nice singing voice! He doesn't sound black at all!" is not a compliment. FML
Today, my grandmother updated her will. Previously, it denied inheritance to family members with non-white spouses, and any mixed-raced children. Now it does the same with politically correct terminology. She then bragged about how accepting she is in front of my Korean husband and our daughter. FML
Today, my grandmother tried to lecture me about discrimination. This is the same woman who lies about her grandchildren's race, and tried to convince a Jewish person that the Jews were responsible for the Holocaust. FML
Today, I decided to spend a few days at my grandma's house, to help her clean the place up a bit. So far, she's given me a "no masturbating under my roof" talk, used multiple racist slurs, and yelled "QUIET DOWN!" when I so much as sneezed in the next room. FML
Today, I was written up because my manager heard me insulting a customer. How did I insult her? I called her grandma. Who did I say this to? My grandma. FML
Today, I went to see my grandmother. She has Alzheimer's and doesn't remember me sometimes, and today she thought I was her sister and that I was trying to steal my grandfather from her. She hit me with a cane and called me a slut. FML
Today, I had to drag my grandmother out of a store because she went up to a black family and started apologizing for slavery. FML
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Top comments
the17doctor 12
well...is she cute?
Captain0bv10us 0
Hopefully you have another grandma...
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Comments (69)
19eightyeight 4
First, bitches!
iLakers 0
Want a cookie?
the17doctor 12
well...is she cute?
arcanevandal 0
Shouldn't your grandma be living at the nursing home? Because then you could just have a look yourself when you go to visit.
imustbeinsane 2
I bet she is cute and grandma knows it, and it makes her angrier. Is there even anything in her will worth having?
xSonic 9
If she is cute, then op go hit on her next time you visit :) and make sure it's clear
SilverGTP99 8
My gramma would have just farted and went back to sleep...
margie2194 12
Might wanna hide your Tyler perry movies...
gojira666 7
Tyler perry should be shot. One bullet for every episode of house of payne.
Lawlihearttigers 5
You should be shot . One bullet for every word on your comment !
Captain0bv10us 0
Hopefully you have another grandma...
heyguysitsjosh 8
Your picture is a win
zuzupetalsYO 11
Your grandma needs "a nice warm glass of shut the hell up!"
zinoxity 23
I don't have grandparents, so... Don't feel bad.
themacuser 0
131 how should the fact that you dont have grandparents make him feel better?
Isoldael 27
Smart thing to ask if you know she's racist...
Captain0bv10us 0
It was probably a slip of the tongue
EminGH 7
What if she found out she was a racist after hearing her reply?
chatoyant_fml 12
It's not like you have to accept that someone's a racist
Isoldael 27
22 - if she was complaining about the nurse being black, you can sort of assume she's racist I guess. 27 - of course you don't have to accept it, but that doesn't make OP's comment smart. It's like bringing a boyfriend (if you're a guy) to a homophobic friend's home. Acceptable? Sure. Smart? Probably not...
ode_2_jessegan 2
If you're gay, why would you have a homophobic friend? =)
stargazur 9
Maybe you were friends before you turned ****?
Link5794 18
You don't turn ****, you realize that you're homosexual.
GreekYogurt 26
You shouldn't stop being yourself just for the family fortune.
abbytequiere 9
Well.. That's one way to get things going. I hate to say it, but you kinda deserve it because you knew she was like that. And when people get that old, there's no hope for change. But yet.. I hate racist people. So I have no idea how to rate this one.
Dracoboxer357 36
I hit fyl, as sure he could have kept his mouth shut, but by commenting about it means he didn't go along with her racist point of view even passively. :) And at the same time, he also didn't start a colossus fight/argument over the issue. Well done OP. :)
THE_A_TEEN 28
What a ****! Who needs her op, look after your own life and ignore that old bag.
EwanSmith 2
once you go black...
THE_A_TEEN 28
...you'll have awesome basketball skills?
Captain0bv10us 0
You get a massive dick..half the time :P I'll go back to my cave now.
shrekus 0
Once you go white, nothing else is just right
greg84_fml 21
...you are going to need a wheel chair.
nahgemoohc 17
9...You never go back!
docscientist 10
...you get written out of the will.
Tdevonner 0
...YOU GO DEAF!!!!
lrgenesis 19
She's old she'll probably forget by tomorrow… I can already hear the thumbs down coming.
farnsworth 3
I hear thumbs too they tell me to burn things O.o
Chad_the_Brony 0
****. I read it in his voice. It's so easy to read sentences in Farnsworth's voice.
SxeDaze 13
Good news everyone!!! ...*cough* oh wait, that's not my line. :(
deathpotato 11
PLOT TWIST! No thumbs down.
jasjas 0
See the irony xD
cradle6 13
See, this is the irony of FML. If you suggest that your comment will be thumbed down, everyone will attempt to rebel and thumb you up. So thumb me down! But since I suggested that saying 'thumb me down' will cause people to thumb me up, people will now actually thumb me down. The nuances of FML psychology.
luccmon 6
Well shit. So do I thumb up or down? Why must you make things so difficult?
PYLrulz 17
That's where you go "Fine! I don't need your money you racist old ****!"
ImaginaryFoe 1
Or pretend to be a racist so she writes you back in. Then donate all the money she leaves you towards relief efforts in Haiti.
fancyclown 9
That nurse might just be the one to save her ass. Reminds me of that viral picture of black nurses operating on a KKK member. Just screams irony.