Today, I had a one-night stand. After holding in my farts all night, as you should, I decided enough was enough and tried to calmly let one slip out. One did not calmly slip out; instead I shat myself in her bed. I was naked at the time, so was unable to hide it. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my date from the night before let me stay behind when he had left for work. While relaxing, I figured I'd be fine to let a little fart out. Unbeknownst to me, not eating enough food over the past few days turned the contents of my bowels to liquid. I sharted on their bed. FML
Today, I woke up after a night out partying only to find I'd wet the bed. I was so ashamed that I rolled my girlfriend into it to avoid taking the blame. FML
Today, while wearing a sexy pair of undies for my partner and taking him out on a nice dinner, I trusted a fart walking from the car to the restaurant and shit myself. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I decided to try a new place to eat. On our way home we both had upset stomachs. As we raced into the house we realized neither of us could hold it any longer. Having only one bathroom, I let her go first. She exploded on the toilet and I exploded in my pants. FML
Today, in my sleep I let out a couple of farts. Normally this wouldn't be a big deal, but on this night I had slept in my mom's room. She came to check in on me and violently woke me up because she thought I pooped in the bed. Now my entire family knows I fart in my sleep. FML
Today, in the middle of sex, I was desperate for a fart but tried to hold it in so we weren't forced to stop halfway. Unfortunately, I accidentally let the fart escape, along with runny diarrhea, all over my husband's legs and groin. The smell caused him to vomit all over me. FML
Today, I shat myself in front of my girlfriend's family, after drinking too much the previous night and waking up with major stomach problems. FML
Today, I tried to let out a small fart in a crowded restaurant. I had diarrhea. I walked past several families to get to the bathroom and clean myself up, only to still go home with a huge wet spot down my ass. My shirt wasn't long enough to hide it. FML
Today, I had just gotten out of the shower when I thought I had to fart, so I ripped it. instead, I shat all over myself and my floor. I'm 30. FML
Today, I fucked up by trusting the wrong fart and shat myself in the middle of the restaurant I was eating lunch at. I was so mortified, I couldn't even finish the meal I paid for. FML
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Top comments
Bookworm257 13
Since it was a one night stand, maybe you can calmly slip out, unlike your fart.
aylind 18
Honestly, how could you not tell it was that kind of fart coming down the pipes? Usually those feel different man. Still, sucks to be you right now. Hope she didn't go ape shit.
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Comments (129)
Tonisha1989 11
If I was her I would be furious. I hope you cleaned up after and tried to set it right. And there goes your reputation. Hopefully she was someone who none of your friends know.
FitFriday 32
That's what bathrooms are for OP
ghost_soul_fml 3
You should have gone to the bathroom. Even if it was just to fart. She has a nose, she would have smelled it no matter what in the room. If you had gone to the bathroom, she would have never known.
i_needa_username 17
"Today, I had a one night stand. He shit himself in my bed. FML"
ForeverJasmine 26
I would be so grossed out if I woke up next to a guy who shit himself in my bed ??
Cromlech 12
At least she will have a story to tell lol.
mishwarner 14
Train spotting moment. I feel for the girl. I think I would vomit. And I worry it might have affected the mattress & not just the sheets
Witchylady 18
Now that is embarrassing. How are you going to scoop that one up? I bet she will want to buy a brand new bed. Disinfect her room and forget she ever slept with you. That sucks for you. The whole thing is just shitty.
pris0027 19
Oh man!! That must've been so embarassing
Gauzy21 12
HahahahahhHahahahah that's sooo funny!!!