Today, I broke up with my girlfriend in a crowded mall. I thought this was a good idea, until she went ballistic, began screaming and crying, and then stabbed me in the stomach with a ballpoint pen. I got banned from the mall. FML
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Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I broke up with my girlfriend. She was so angry, she stabbed me in the hand with a plastic fork. FML
Today, I broke up with my girlfriend. She responded by sitting on the floor, crying like a baby and screaming "WHY?" at strangers. FML
Today, I told my girlfriend that I'm breaking up with her because she's very abusive. After a couple of seconds of awkward silence, she kicked me in the nuts and ran away. FML
Today, I spotted my girlfriend in a store. She didn't notice me, so I went behind her, put my hands over her eyes, and said "Guess who." I got an elbow to the groin and mace to the face. While I was rolling on the ground in pain, she simply said, "Serves you right" and walked away. FML
Today, I was shopping with my girlfriend, when a girl came out of nowhere, screaming at me for cheating on her, and saying she was dumping me. I've never seen her before, and she was almost grinning during her little act, but my girlfriend believed it, and I'm now single. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I got into a huge fight. She kicked me out of the apartment and told me to never come back. Devastated, I waited outside of the apartment door for hours, hoping she'd reconsider. I ended up falling asleep. I woke up to her foot stomping on me, screaming, "I meant it!" FML
Today, my girlfriend totally emasculated me and made me a laughing stock when we got mugged and, instead of just handing over her purse like the guy said, she took out a stun gun and used it on him while I freaked out and cried. Now all my friends are laughing at me. FML
Today, my girlfriend of 2 years broke up with me because she said I was more of a woman than she was. I yelled out, "I HATE YOU!" and started to cry. She then took a tampon out of her purse, handed it to me, laughed, and walked away. FML
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me by putting a Post-it note on my locker that said, "Consider yourself dumped." FML
Today, my girlfriend called me and told me to come to her college, so I did. I was greeted by the campus police who told me to stop harassing her because she no longer wants to be with me. Then they told me I was no longer welcome on campus and hereby banned. She used campus police to dump me. FML
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Top comments
Feklfekl2222 32
looks like it was a good thing you dumped her if she's that senssitive
1waytoolive 1
Yeah 24 somewhere private so she could of killed him and disposed of his body so much easier.
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Comments (163)
SkyHiLyfe_808 0
I'd be pressing charges on her crazy ass.
zombiemaster21 0
why would you get banned for nothing?
ceddyz17 10
who needs to break up and be Facebook official when you can do that
Egnar 19
I understand why you broke up with her in a mall - You didn't want her going ballistic on you and you assumed public would be a good place to do it, that makes sense, but a mall?. . .Really? Such a poor place to break up with somebody you know will probably take it poorly [hey you dated her!] It's one thing to do it in public, another to do it in one of the biggest hubs people in your area.
CloudEnvy 17
I like the way your first sentence understands and your second sentence questions the OP, Egnar.
Egnar 19
The point is I see the reasoning behind doing it. . .But that it doesn't make it an appropriate place for it. It's like if your boss calls you in because you did something more efficiently [but putting yourself in danger] and he might say "I understand why you choose the route but in the future please stick to company guidelines for your safety].
loooooooooool_fml 1
He obviously needed witnesses if the ex burt out. Think about it, if she reacted like this in public, how would have she reacted when he would have broke up with her in privacy? =/
loooooooooool_fml 1
*burst
Egnar 19
Yes I understand that - Public isnt' a bad place, but, it's unfair to do it in such a hub of places when you know somebody is going to react emotionally. There were better places to go with witnesses around. She probably felt so embarrassed by the people around her that she reacted so poorly.
Jazzalyn 10
Woah. OPs girlfriend stabs him with a ballpoint pen. OP gets banned. Does someone see something wrong with this picture?
FarSide 23
What I "see" is one side of the story...
Pigpen181 3
It's been said " the pen is mightier, than the sword or gun" : O
jewfish27 4
an uppercut from hell, tht my friend can solve any dilemma
cupcakeslayer 0
you should have taken her somewhere a little more private. such as the psych ward at your local hospital. then she would have had someone to help her.
sblhaine 0
good thing you didn't break up with her on a cruise or a plane...who knows what they wud have done...