Today I asked my mother-in-law to borrow a plunger, so she asked what I needed it for. "Poop," I replied. "I've told you this before," she huffed, "you have to poop a little and then flush, poop a little and flush. You can't go all at once." I can't even shit right for this woman. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I went to the doctor for horrible stomach pains. He said I had an abnormal amount of stool in me, and that I'd need to flush it out. I called my mom and told her what happened, to which she responded, "I always knew you were full of shit, I didn't need a doctor to tell me that." FML
Today, I went with my boyfriend to meet his parents. I had to excuse myself to use the bathroom, and I ended up taking a huge crap that wouldn't flush. I had to reach in and break it up with my hands just so it would flush. Only after I washed up did I notice a plunger sitting under the sink. FML
Today, my mom decided to infodump on me as I came home needing to take a shit. She wouldn't stop talking and calling me back when I tried to walk off. I couldn't get a word in, and she was ignoring my gestures. She's now calling me disrespectful because I finally ran off and dropped a loud one in the toilet. FML
Today, I went up to take a shower. I typically go to the bathroom first, I take a mega dump, then flush the toilet. Not only wouldn't the toilet flush but I found out my parents only keep one plunger on hand. It was in the downstairs bathroom. My dad came upstairs and plunged the toilet while I stood there naked. FML
Today, my grandma called me spoiled, materialistic, and Americanized for reminding her that she can flush the toilet after she uses it. The family now has a "three pee, one poo" minimum before we're allowed to flush. FML
Today, my mom screamed my name five times while I was on the toilet. When I was done, I went to her and she said, “Why the FUCK did you not immediately drop what you were doing and rush to help me with the dishes?” Apparently, the fact that I was pooping wasn’t a good enough excuse. FML
Today, I had to poop, but as I sat down, it wouldn't come out. After about 10 minutes I realized I needed help. The only help I could get was my mother, who couldn't stop laughing at the sweat and faces I made. I still hurt. FML
Today, I took a massive shit and flushed the toilet, but it apparently didn’t flush properly. My mom then entered the bathroom, took a picture of my shit, and showed it to everyone she knows. She doesn’t understand why I’m embarrassed, and thinks that I should instead "take pride" in my giant poop. FML
Today, my mom yelled at me for not pooping with the bathroom door open like the rest of the family. FML
Today, I swear I’m going to just refuse to use the toilet when my mom is home on principle because whenever I go, no matter the time of day or night, that will be the exact moment she's bursting for a pee, and needs me out "NOW NOW NOW!" I haven’t had a relaxing, uninterrupted shit in almost a month. FML
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Top comments
Tripartita 45
She knew why you needed it. It's not like that conversation was going to go, "Why do you need the plunger?" "Oh, I'm making a cake."
samwilliams800 28
That explains why she's full of shit.
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Comments (19)
Kougeru 12
she's not wrong
annie_zoo 27
incredible, my dad told me the same thing
RinoaHeartilly 36
That...that's not a thing people do...
mrandmrsanon 7
That's a problem with the toilet not you. I grew up with a shitty toilet (pun intended) now I've lived 3 places with toilets that have never clogged on me. Have a discussion about the age of her toilet. No one should be expected to poop like a rabbit.
ArbiterOfFML 24
all that ****** water gettin wasted from her method. fyl op
panicsdisaster 17
clogging the toilet isn't pooping right for anyone.
katluvr 22
I realize I'm a little late to weigh in on this conversation, but why don't you own a plunger?
chelseaclaire 12
Shes right though
maserle 8
yea... thats not how pooping works. not if youre healthy. Go to the dollar store and get yourself one.