Today, I jokingly had kinky conversation via text message with a good guy friend. He was pretending to be a stranger and was fishing for compliments, and asked to have a foursome. Turns out, my friend lost his phone and I spent 2 hours talking to a pervert about what lingerie I was wearing. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my friend made a fake account on Facebook, pretending to be a girl, and posted my phone number on a sexting group. I've been getting calls and text messages from horny weirdos all day long. FML
Today, my friend stole my phone to call the creepy boy that follows me around at school. I wouldn't have been so bothered if she hadn't had phone sex with him, all while pretending to be me. He got so into it, he now thinks we're a couple. FML
Today, I sent a kinky text message to my boyfriend. Within minutes I got a reply of, "Whoever this is, fuck off and give my girlfriend's phone back." Apparently I'm so bad at writing sexy messages that my boyfriend thought it was a prank from someone who'd stolen my phone. FML
Today, my husband called me from work just to chat. He asked what I had been up to today. I was feeling frisky so I told him all about how I had gotten horny, watched a porno and masturbated earlier. It wasn't until I heard the hoots and laughter that I realized he had me on speakerphone. FML
Today, I got a text message while driving home. I checked after arriving, and found it was a kinky text from my boyfriend, so I sent him an even kinkier reply. He later raged at me, because I somehow should have known he was showing off his phone to his mom when I sent my reply. FML
Today, I tried a trick my friend taught me; I initiated sex as my husband was getting ready for work, then guilted him when he refused. After he left, I texted my friend that her trick worked wonderfully. Too bad I sent it to my husband instead. FML
Today, I pretended to be a little girl on social media, just for fun. All I got was a random guy who sent me a direct message and asked me to send a photo of my private parts. FML
Today, I was having a cybersex chat with a "girl" on a website whilst at work. I noticed my colleague who sits next to me start cracking up with laughter. Turned out it was him I was chatting with and he was winding me up. Worst thing is it had given me a stiffy. FML
Today, I was talking dirty with my husband over the phone while he was out of town. I started to verbally act out his fantasy and got quite into it. I was returned with silence. Embarrassed, I tried to hang up. Turns out the call had already been dropped, five minutes prior. FML
Today, I thought it would be fun to have a sex session with my boyfriend. I sent him a suggestive message, and 30 minutes later he texted me back to let me know he was done. FML
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Top comments
Jimboom 12
So.... what ARE you wearing?
slutmuffin 0
A sexual conversation with a guy friend?? Rather odd if you ask me.
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Comments (69)
TEAZO 0
well now arnt you smart. wouldn't u have guessed its not your friend?
B52_fml 0
HAHAH this was a great FML. made me laugh out loud, literally
f_r_E_a_K 0
wowww, this one's split across the board! but I really think you were just having a little bit of fun that went out of your hands. >:/ yeeeeesh. nasty....hope you don't meet that person IRL!!!!!!!!
ddrfunkmaster 0
whats with nomadxx7 and writing in paragraphs for every comment i see him write
nomadxx7 0
I write a lot. Lot to convey and enough people to respond to that don't seem to like what I write. Sorry I type fast and think too much. I'll keep it to the truncated zingers for everyone's enjoyment and attention span
AshlenDoll 0
Ahhaahaa. Wow.
0___0 9
lol I do that sometimes but on msn not phone texting its fun though "HEY BABY I'M EATING CEREAL AND ITS JUST MAKING ME SO HORNY" lmfao it's funny! As long as the other person doesn't think you're serious (or in some cases that makes it even funnier).
Assmilk 0
Do you like scary movies?
dancin303 0
i have a guy friend that i joke to about sex all the time like if were touching hands we'll be like wow orgasim and we joke over text too. and we'll talk about whats on our underwear/bra/boxers too but him pretending to be a stranger is kinda weird
Yinzernation87 0
lol wut kind of perv was he to keep talking and go along with it?