Today, I found out my neighbor has been watching my husband and I have sex for the 2 years we've been married. He slaps his sausage and smokes 5 cigarettes while he watches. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was feeling a little frisky and started making out with my husband on our couch. He had just taken off my shirt when a strange smell hit my nose. I turned my head and saw my alcoholic neighbor with a cigarette in his hand, watching the entire thing unfold. FML
Today, I found out that my neighbor gets more pleasure out of me and my husband having it off then I do. FML
Today, I heard my neighbors having a violent argument in their front yard. I listened in, and soon found out why the wife wasn't happy with her husband. Apparently, she had caught her husband peeking through my windows for the second time this month. FML
Today, after finding out that I'd slept with our married neighbor, I found out my husband had slept with him too as revenge. FML
Today, I heard the sounds of women grunting in the living room. My husband knows I don't like him to watch porn, so I confronted him. He was masturbating to professional Women's tennis. FML
Today, I found a video camera behind a plant in my bedroom. My husband uses it to video tape himself having sex, with another woman. FML
Today, I found out my husband has been sleeping with one of the women in our marriage counselling group. FML
Today, I walked in on my husband jacking off to a photo of himself. FML
Today, I found out my wife has been taking "Love thy neighbour" very literally with the bloke next door. FML
Today, and since we moved on base, my neighbor’s wife has tried to have an affair with me. I got tired of it and told him. He blew smoke. I found out she’s in a cheating wife’s club, who all defend each other. She proclaimed to all our neighbors that I’m a predator and I'd attacked her. They believe her instead of my wife, who saw everything. FML
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Top comments
docsigma 8
...five? Your husband's got mad endurance!
Andrewl_FML 0
Is "slaps his sausage" slang for masterbating or is he ACTUALLY slapping a sausage. I personally think if he was literally slapping a sausage while watching you have sex would be so much funnier!
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Comments (70)
Sunny401 0
Thats fukn scary...but maybe u should bang with your curtains closed. YDI.
Basiil 0
u do it in the backyard?
schwinn11 0
so you have a neighbor that likes to smoke and watch a little **** while he prepares his breakfast, don't we all?
perdix 31
Except for the smoking, I AM that neighbor! ;)
kimilei 0
Oh Perdix maybe you should come move next door to me! You can watch me aaaall the tiiime ;D
suckmysarcasm 10
simple solution give him some eggs to go with his sausage. lol.
LongLuk 0
how did you find out?
omg2funny 1
Ok 2 years, & he *still* watches??? Either you are hott, or he is into your husband.If you don't like the attention, close the blinds.. if you can't afford them, have more sex.... Daily, like every 30 minutes r so.. this will either bore the bloke, or he'll have his fill or he'll die of the smoke.. & what'll he see that he hasn't seen before??
miley_baby 0
lmao!!!! i'm sorry but the thing that made me want to comment was the "He slaps his sausage" that was like the greatest way i've ever heard someone refering to wacking off ever!!!! i now feel the need to call my boyfriend and ask him how aften he "slaps his sausage" XP damn i need a new term for female ************ someone needs to top "Flicking the bean" (from the ugly truth) like ASAP!
DanielleTheOne 3
LOL i loved that movie!! "this isnt for you, its for your bean" lol.. i once heard Tapping the Tuna Taco but that is just weird lol.
DanielleTheOne 3
or was it tickling?? either way both retarded
xxBFMVAAMIWxx 18
Tickling the beefcurtains
Ceyenna 0
What a perv.
jbeezy23 0
Lol "slaps his sausage". He is pretty much the reason why evryone on the block moved.....
bryttanicutter 2
well put lmao