Today, I found out my neighbor has been watching my husband and I have sex for the 2 years we've been married. He slaps his sausage and smokes 5 cigarettes while he watches. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was feeling a little frisky and started making out with my husband on our couch. He had just taken off my shirt when a strange smell hit my nose. I turned my head and saw my alcoholic neighbor with a cigarette in his hand, watching the entire thing unfold. FML
Today, I found out that my neighbor gets more pleasure out of me and my husband having it off then I do. FML
Today, I heard my neighbors having a violent argument in their front yard. I listened in, and soon found out why the wife wasn't happy with her husband. Apparently, she had caught her husband peeking through my windows for the second time this month. FML
Today, after finding out that I'd slept with our married neighbor, I found out my husband had slept with him too as revenge. FML
Today, I heard the sounds of women grunting in the living room. My husband knows I don't like him to watch porn, so I confronted him. He was masturbating to professional Women's tennis. FML
Today, I found a video camera behind a plant in my bedroom. My husband uses it to video tape himself having sex, with another woman. FML
Today, I found out my husband has been sleeping with one of the women in our marriage counselling group. FML
Today, I walked in on my husband jacking off to a photo of himself. FML
Today, I found out my wife has been taking "Love thy neighbour" very literally with the bloke next door. FML
Today, and since we moved on base, my neighbor’s wife has tried to have an affair with me. I got tired of it and told him. He blew smoke. I found out she’s in a cheating wife’s club, who all defend each other. She proclaimed to all our neighbors that I’m a predator and I'd attacked her. They believe her instead of my wife, who saw everything. FML
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Top comments
docsigma 8
...five? Your husband's got mad endurance!
Andrewl_FML 0
Is "slaps his sausage" slang for masterbating or is he ACTUALLY slapping a sausage. I personally think if he was literally slapping a sausage while watching you have sex would be so much funnier!
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Comments (70)
RufusCade 7
So?
chux4w 0
Because you don't want any regrets / Close the curtains to avoid privacy threats / Neighbour slaps his sausage / While he secretly watches / And gets through about five cigarettes.
ninjacapo 2
thts an fml. lol thts really gross
beantown9876 0
Slaps his sausage? Doesn't this guy have a penis?
thedeepthinker 0
Oh, let him have his fun, he isn't hurting anyone. You can even give him a little wave when you're done, why make such a big deal about it? He's the one who has no life after all, besides, its twice as fun when you have an audience.
longhair_fml 0
lol that's soooo funny,.. who cares that just means you to a re good at it!!!
vixon 0
nasty...!!
flufferheadfool 0
ydi for calling it a sausage....dorrk
softball39 0
okay??
lovelydrop 0
get some freaking curtains!!