Today, I learned that I do not possess the upper body, core, or leg strength to hold my girlfriend up during sex. I simultaneously collapsed and dropped her onto her coffee table. We are now both being treated at the hospital; her for glass wounds, me for a concussion. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my girlfriend and I were getting intimate and planning on having sex for the first time. I picked her up off the couch, and in so doing, accidentally lifted her too high, putting her head through the ceiling. She had a mild concussion. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were trying something new. I ended up with a shard of glass in my back and a concussion. Don't have sex on a glass table. FML
Today, I had sex with my boyfriend for the first time. Afterwards, I got up to get some water. When I stood up, I fell straight to the ground, my legs were so weak. As I fell, I hit my head on the end table and knocked myself unconscious. My boyfriend laughed at me. FML
Today, I drove my girlfriend home around 11pm to her garage where we started to have sex. When she came to climax she slipped and hit her head. Her parents heard the crash and came down; we were both still naked, and she was unconscious. FML
Today, my girlfriend was getting up to leave and I, trying to be romantic, got up behind her and tried to swing her back down onto the bed and kiss her simultaneously, misjudged the distance and threw her into the wall, her head then bounced off the wall and into my forehead, spraining her nose. FML
Today, I tried to lift my girlfriend and spin her around like in a Rom-Com. I started the spin, then heard a pop. The pain caused me to yelp and fall to the floor, dropping her on top of me. I dislocated my kneecap trying to be romantic. She only weighs about 90 lbs. FML
Today, I went to the hospital emergency room to visit my boyfriend who had badly sliced his leg open. It ended with me being admitted with a possible head trauma, after hitting my head on the wall and floor as I collapsed at the sight of his wound. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate. He picked me up and threw me over his shoulder to take me to his room. He wasn't careful enough, and dropped me right on my head, on the hardwood floor. I ended up vomiting and came down with a headache. He still wanted to have sex. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. Feeling goofy, I thought it’d be funny to try to reenact that horrible sex scene from the movie Showgirls. I threw my body back, but completely lost my balance and smashed my head on the headboard. I ended up with a bad concussion and a huge hospital bill. FML
Today, I ran up to my boyfriend to kiss him when he got home from work. I tripped and I fell on him, and he fell backwards. He ended up hitting his head on the sidewalk and had to get stitches. He also had a concussion. FML
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Top comments
BlueEyed1019 12
make sure you tell her girlfriend you dropped her because you're not strong enough, not because she weighs too much, I could see how being dropped could be a little offensive
saIty 17
No but I bet your right arm is jacked... If you know what I mean *Nudge nudge* *Wink wink*
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Comments (149)
autlan14 3
you have concussion and you're still able to post this?
ByronJess 17
A concussion doesn't make you incompetent... Usually. Obviously OP's concussion wasn't horrible. I have had a few concussions in my life, and I'm still me
tennisrapper1 14
Ya know, FMLs start with "Today", but that doesn't mean that they happened "today". Be a little flexible with that part., It is very possible that he somehow did?
xSheaa 7
Time to work out.
josebaseball11 14
This is why you don't have sex standing up....
TeddyB88 4
If you post a comment like this then you really don't know what you are missing out on
louiseth 9
Don't have sex in the missionary position, don't have sex standing up. Just, don't do it, promise?
Katiekhalifa_fml 28
Alright, now everybody take some rubbers.
Cowgirl9999 8
YDI for 1. Not working out. 2. Having sex near glass.
emba_fml 13
lol for having sex near glass? really? that's a bit of a weak reason for a ydi
mhopper 13
How about having sex OVER glass?
emba_fml 13
that seems a lot more valid. :p come to think of it, why WAS op having sex over a glass coffee table? just a bad idea.
TheyCallMeDamien 18
You must be doing something right if she wanted to do that. My suggestion is go to the gym so you can do that.
ByronJess 17
Relax OP, one day you'll look back on this moment in time and laugh. And if your girlfriend has any sense of humor, she will too. That's the great thing about embarrassing moments, they make pretty epic stories to tell in the future.
21bebe 0
I'm not sure if this is the most "comfortable" story to go around telling.
eggmarie 25
Nah, me and my ex laugh about our awkward sex stories with our friends haha
perdix 31
What a nice boyfriend you are! You are quite a gentleman to take the blame by admitting you are weak, as opposed to the real culprit: your girlfriend's massive, bovine girth.
Iknoweverything 29
We don't know if his girlfriend is heavy. In fact, she doesn't have to have a "massive bovine girth" in order to be dropped. Most guys are not really used to holding the weight of a human body while humping it simultaneously. Unless you're going to the gym every couple of days, (and most men do not) or your woman is severely anorexic, you're probably going to drop her. Most guys don't think this action through. (And by thinking it through, I mean practice by bracing her against a wall for the first six months or so.)
bernardbrown 7
I'm sorry, but whoever said she was fat? You can't glean that from the FML. There are some weak people out there.
perdix 31
Since when did people get so ******* serious? Lighten up, Francis, this is FML, not couples therapy! In 300 characters, they can't give all the facts. Some of us can read between the lines, while others of us are just smart-asses who use the lack of detail to insert funny facts.
Enslaved 38
Funny how you used the words "Lighten up". :P
racerapj 10
Don't worry, bad crops. Get em next year round
MrFuzzles 5
38, if I could thumb your comment up 10000000000 times I would. Something in the water must be clogging up everyone's sarcasm glands.
doctorhook86 25
Perdix: #28 was genius, and can only assume it's insecure fat girls that are downvoting it. Seriously, I can imagine Stan Smith or Stephen Colbert saying it.
Squeaky_Tomato 14
Lol 33 my bf doesn't go to the gym every day and I'm not anorexic and he can throw me around (during sex) and hold/hump me without issues. Thus your argument is invalid.
Calyx_fml 22
Amen Perdix! There's WAY too much sympathy and not enough humor on FML lately. It's like everyone was infected with a case of the Keevarou. There's an ointment for that. It's called Perdix.
unknown_user5566 27
Perdix, I love you. Your comments generally represent what I'm thinking. Can we run away to Ikea and look at glass coffee tables to show OP how it should be done? ;)
twisted_cherub 14
51- Hey, now. I'm fat and I thought it was funny. Also, that does make OP weak because my fiance can hold my, slightly less than bovine, girth up during sex. We just know how to implement a wall behind my back instead of a glass table. This is a classic case of kids without enough real experience trying to mimic something they saw on a porno.
Abbyybba 0
I an curious about what you guys told the doctors...
Abbyybba 0
Am* :-/
Keliosan 6
Take it as a lesson. Workout some more and know your limits before you pick things up over glass tables....hopefully your gf is understanding and doesn't take the situation the wrong way. GL OP.
SamanthaCassieL 10
I hope your gf wounds get better ASAP!! An I hope for little scaring [for your sake ;)] and I hope your concussion isn't too bad!! Get well soon!!