Today, I learned that I do not possess the upper body, core, or leg strength to hold my girlfriend up during sex. I simultaneously collapsed and dropped her onto her coffee table. We are now both being treated at the hospital; her for glass wounds, me for a concussion. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my girlfriend and I were getting intimate and planning on having sex for the first time. I picked her up off the couch, and in so doing, accidentally lifted her too high, putting her head through the ceiling. She had a mild concussion. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were trying something new. I ended up with a shard of glass in my back and a concussion. Don't have sex on a glass table. FML
Today, I had sex with my boyfriend for the first time. Afterwards, I got up to get some water. When I stood up, I fell straight to the ground, my legs were so weak. As I fell, I hit my head on the end table and knocked myself unconscious. My boyfriend laughed at me. FML
Today, I drove my girlfriend home around 11pm to her garage where we started to have sex. When she came to climax she slipped and hit her head. Her parents heard the crash and came down; we were both still naked, and she was unconscious. FML
Today, my girlfriend was getting up to leave and I, trying to be romantic, got up behind her and tried to swing her back down onto the bed and kiss her simultaneously, misjudged the distance and threw her into the wall, her head then bounced off the wall and into my forehead, spraining her nose. FML
Today, I tried to lift my girlfriend and spin her around like in a Rom-Com. I started the spin, then heard a pop. The pain caused me to yelp and fall to the floor, dropping her on top of me. I dislocated my kneecap trying to be romantic. She only weighs about 90 lbs. FML
Today, I went to the hospital emergency room to visit my boyfriend who had badly sliced his leg open. It ended with me being admitted with a possible head trauma, after hitting my head on the wall and floor as I collapsed at the sight of his wound. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate. He picked me up and threw me over his shoulder to take me to his room. He wasn't careful enough, and dropped me right on my head, on the hardwood floor. I ended up vomiting and came down with a headache. He still wanted to have sex. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. Feeling goofy, I thought it’d be funny to try to reenact that horrible sex scene from the movie Showgirls. I threw my body back, but completely lost my balance and smashed my head on the headboard. I ended up with a bad concussion and a huge hospital bill. FML
Today, I ran up to my boyfriend to kiss him when he got home from work. I tripped and I fell on him, and he fell backwards. He ended up hitting his head on the sidewalk and had to get stitches. He also had a concussion. FML
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Top comments
BlueEyed1019 12
make sure you tell her girlfriend you dropped her because you're not strong enough, not because she weighs too much, I could see how being dropped could be a little offensive
saIty 17
No but I bet your right arm is jacked... If you know what I mean *Nudge nudge* *Wink wink*
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Comments (149)
Enslaved 38
Hey, look who the OP is! It's Bob! Yeah, sometimes those sex moves are better played off in your mind. Sex around glass objects never seem to be a good combination though! :P
dieselguy82 0
Thats the funniest shit ive read yet. Dude when you are getting off like that you should have sat on the couch. Bet you wont try that again!
MrFuzzles 5
Next time staple her to the wall and you can pretend you're strong. You know, role play.
ahhbeex 8
How do you not know if you're strong enough in the first place? I hope all is well but next time, if there IS a next time, maybe push he against a wall or I don't know? Have sex in bed.
LonelyLoser93 3
I'm curious to know how this would work, I'm trying to imagine how this would look but I can't anyways, sorry OP maybe work out or try other positions that are fun! Get better soon! And at least you get sex. :'(
Dracoboxer357 36
46- Lucky for you, my imagination is fantastic! :) Op is standing upright, girlfriend is facing him, her arms around his shoulders, her legs wrapped around his waist. He holds her with one arm around her back, and one arm under her butt. Proceed with pulling her into him while thrusting with his hips. Not easy, but it works. :) Glad to help.
LonelyLoser93 3
59- Thanks a lot that really clarified that, I just had to wake up a bit, I was still tired, I can see it now! :)
trucker67 10
Doesn't matter you were trying to have sex :) the wounds will heal and it's gonna be a funny story to tell later .
aztecwarrior1983 1
Maybe you shouldn't be reproducing
Austyn57 1
can you say P90X!!!!!
kiraleann 16
You probably should have practiced this over something soft, like, say, a bed, before taking the challenge of holding her over a coffee table, lol.
skokob 7
PX90 time!
rcgirl2 11
*P90X