Today, I woke up at a stranger's house after a long night of drinking. Before leaving, I decided to steal some mouthwash so I didn't smell like a liquor store. Thinking of the night before, I instinctively downed the Listerine like a shot and puked everywhere. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, after a big house party the night before, I woke up with a dry mouth and a pounding hangover. I took a swig from a cup I'd left on my bedside table the night before, thinking it was water. Nope; it was vodka. FML
Today, upon waking up, I took a sip on what I thought was a cup of water on my nightstand. I quickly discovered it was my roommate's cup of used mouthwash which she was too lazy to throw out the night before. FML
Today, I woke up after passing out at a very small house party. I'd set a three drink limit, but apparently nobody listened, because there were beer cans everywhere, half my stuff was on the floor, and someone had shat in my bathtub. I had to clean all of it up alone. FML
Today, I left a party after drinking, and was soon pulled over. I frantically grabbed my mouthwash I keep for emergency situations to cover up the alcohol smell on my breath. I was given the breathalyzer almost immediately. I blew a 2.37. Apparently, alcohol is the main ingredient of Listerine. FML
Today, I got sick of my flatmate stealing my food so I decided to sabotage a leftover pizza with laxatives. I came back home later in the evening after a night of heavy drinking. Guess what I had to eat in my drunken stupor. FML
Today, I woke up to find that I'd left my clothes in my roommate's bedroom. After returning from a night of heavy drinking, I apparently got up to use the bathroom and used her room as a toilet. I don't remember this, but pee stains don't lie. FML
Today, I woke up in the middle of the night because I was thirsty. In my groggy state, I grabbed the first bottle of liquid I could find, opened it, and took a sip. It was nail polish remover. FML
Today, I woke up to find myself drenched in piss after a long night of drinking. I immediately sprang into action, tossing my bedding in the washer and hopping into the shower. Running late for work, I threw on a nice dress and got into my car. Guess who also peed in the drivers seat? FML
Today, I woke up and put my contacts in. It appears that I got drunk enough last night that instead of soaking my contacts in contact solution, I used mouthwash. FML
Today, I drunkenly staggered home and crashed on the couch. When I woke up I realized it wasn't my house. FML
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Top comments
thegr8dane 0
listerine is just more alcohol going inside of you anyway. way to go, champ.
Stumblebum30 5
Maybe time for AA?
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Comments (105)
lazy_girl 12
ewww
elowyn4life 0
how do u "wake up at a strangers house". the people that write these sorts of fmls are retarded. "I went to a strangers house last night to drink and blackout because I can't handle my alcohol." ****, pretty sure u would at least have the decency to ask for the hosts name before or whilst there.
varkey 7
it wasn't "instinctive," it was moronic.
komatights 5
"Today, I woke up at a stranger's house..." Well this is gonna be good.
juybuygo 13
on the bright side...no more liquor smell. until you start sweating it out.
nubton246 4
Have done that, not a fun way to start the morning
amsherley 0
Dude. That's a win. It ain't your house. You don't have to clean it up. XD
it__happens 17
That's really bad for you..
ThuNDeY 23
"I decided to steal..." Instant ydi