Today, I woke up at a stranger's house after a long night of drinking. Before leaving, I decided to steal some mouthwash so I didn't smell like a liquor store. Thinking of the night before, I instinctively downed the Listerine like a shot and puked everywhere. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, after a big house party the night before, I woke up with a dry mouth and a pounding hangover. I took a swig from a cup I'd left on my bedside table the night before, thinking it was water. Nope; it was vodka. FML
Today, upon waking up, I took a sip on what I thought was a cup of water on my nightstand. I quickly discovered it was my roommate's cup of used mouthwash which she was too lazy to throw out the night before. FML
Today, I woke up after passing out at a very small house party. I'd set a three drink limit, but apparently nobody listened, because there were beer cans everywhere, half my stuff was on the floor, and someone had shat in my bathtub. I had to clean all of it up alone. FML
Today, I left a party after drinking, and was soon pulled over. I frantically grabbed my mouthwash I keep for emergency situations to cover up the alcohol smell on my breath. I was given the breathalyzer almost immediately. I blew a 2.37. Apparently, alcohol is the main ingredient of Listerine. FML
Today, I got sick of my flatmate stealing my food so I decided to sabotage a leftover pizza with laxatives. I came back home later in the evening after a night of heavy drinking. Guess what I had to eat in my drunken stupor. FML
Today, I woke up to find that I'd left my clothes in my roommate's bedroom. After returning from a night of heavy drinking, I apparently got up to use the bathroom and used her room as a toilet. I don't remember this, but pee stains don't lie. FML
Today, I woke up in the middle of the night because I was thirsty. In my groggy state, I grabbed the first bottle of liquid I could find, opened it, and took a sip. It was nail polish remover. FML
Today, I woke up to find myself drenched in piss after a long night of drinking. I immediately sprang into action, tossing my bedding in the washer and hopping into the shower. Running late for work, I threw on a nice dress and got into my car. Guess who also peed in the drivers seat? FML
Today, I woke up and put my contacts in. It appears that I got drunk enough last night that instead of soaking my contacts in contact solution, I used mouthwash. FML
Today, I drunkenly staggered home and crashed on the couch. When I woke up I realized it wasn't my house. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
thegr8dane 0
listerine is just more alcohol going inside of you anyway. way to go, champ.
Stumblebum30 5
Maybe time for AA?
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (105)
Exnoide 0
Been there done that......minus the listerine. Not fun man not fun. I feel your pain
RoxyRaccoon 4
Am I the only one here who's never had any problems with swallowing Listerine? Is there something wrong with me? D{:
goobly 2
Real drunks don't do shots. They drink straight from the bottle.
GiRIsMakingCupca 0
that's wat u get for trying to steal other peoples Listerine lol eww
Suxx_To_Be_Me 0
which part is the FML part? Downing the Listerine or waking up in a strangers house? I would say waking up in a strangers house,
Ashimali 0
qft...yeah, your breath would have smelled better (WOULD HAVE being the operative words) but you still would have smelled rank. That stink seeps out from every pore in your body....iiiiicky
kellyshepard32 0
Thanks to ncoppola.... I'm sure everyone who has relatives who suffer from alcoholism appreciates your comment.
nightDREAMERms 6
*hums to herself* Tic Tok on the clock but the party don't stop...
nightDREAMERms 6
I'm going to have to agree with your adversaries pedantic. Today's definition of "disease" is so broad that it's pretty much meaningless as a point against YDI. It is true that your genes do have some correlation to your possibility of becoming addicted to alcohol (as shown by the Native American case). But to put it generally, drinking is the user's choice in the first place. No one shoved the alcohol down your throat. It's common knowledge (now) that alcohol can be addicitive. You took the risk. You deal with the consequences. It's kind of like smoking. True, Lung Cancer is a horrible disease that can result from smoking. True also, (unless you are the victim of Second-hand smoke) it was the users concious choice to smoke for how so many years. It's not like a hereditary Disease (what the others are referring to) that happens uninfluenced by your choices and just by fate itself. That you cannot blame a person for. As to the OP. Sucks for you. But YDI for getting that drunk.
jollyjam1 2
You deserve it for doing drugs. Get a life loser.