Today, I woke up after passing out at a very small house party. I'd set a three drink limit, but apparently nobody listened, because there were beer cans everywhere, half my stuff was on the floor, and someone had shat in my bathtub. I had to clean all of it up alone. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I got a little too drunk at my best friend's birthday party and threw up in the pub bathroom. I wiped everything up, composed myself, and went back to the party table before promptly throwing up on myself in front of the whole pub. FML
Today, I went to a party with a friend. All I remember is passing out on the couch. About 10 minutes ago, I was woken up by a bucket of cold water and thrown out by the guy who lives there. I'm still dripping and very cold, and I have no idea where the hell I am. FML
Today, at a house party someone smashed and spilled their drink. In my own drunken state, I decided to get the mop as someone might fall. I then fell over it and ended up with glass in my side. FML
Today, I woke up in the shower at my coworker's house, with my clothes on and soaking wet. Apparently, the night before I drank too much and punched my best friend. The sad part is, I passed out on the couch, but somehow ended up in the shower, facing the wrong way. FML
Today, I woke up after going to a rave with some friends. I got very nauseous and sat down behind a garbage bin outside to puke. I sat directly on fresh pee. About an hour later, I sat down on a toilet seat also covered in pee. I forgot to shower when I got home. FML
Today, I woke up with a hangover. I had a party last night. Besides a stolen TV, someone seemingly decided to take a dump in my piano. FML
Today, I was out having a beer with a few friends. After getting a pint, I slipped in a puddle of beer, fell on top of a stranger on the sofa, and knocked my beer upside down on my head. Then, completely soaked, I realized I'd also knocked over the table, spilling its content on a poor girl across it. FML
Today, I decided to do a good bit of spring cleaning. When my apartment was finally spotless I went to lie down. I woke up later to find my drunk flatmate passed out in a puddle of her own puke on the living room's carpet. FML
Today, I drunkenly staggered home and crashed on the couch. When I woke up I realized it wasn't my house. FML
Today, I arrived in my dorm at 3 am to find my roommate passed out and a nauseating stench. While I was gone, he got drunk and puked all over the walls, carpet, and both beds. His inebriated attempt to clean up the mess consisted of smearing his vomit everywhere with my shower robe. FML
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Top comments
kathii01 20
I doubt you passed out from only 3 beers yourself. Seems like you didn't listen to your own rule.
MissWhitneyB 17
Did you follow your own drink limit? No. So why would anyone else listen if you dont follow your own rules?
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Comments (64)
olpally 33
Why did you put a drink limit on a house party?? SHAME ON YOU!! Lol. You deserve it! Stupid idea op.
ScenicSubterfuge 39
Shoulda set a shit limit.
young_weezy_fml 3
a 3 drink limit? i'd take a shit in your tub too
cottoncandymango 17
No one ever obeys a "drink limit". YDI.
Wizardo 34
What you don't know is that you shat in your own bathtub and in a vain attempt to find somewhere to sleep you made a nest with your own crap all the while without wiping. No sympathy here unfortunately.
AngrySailor 17
Mom and Dad were away for a weekend weren't they?
08zw 19
I agree, your life sucks.
08zw 19
There's a button for that. Dumbass.
worldclassrager 41
Might have been a bigger party than you thought...either or they wouldn't listen...
Enslaved 38
I have a three drink limit too but all my drinks are 34oz! :P
buckdharma 38
Apparently beer is more important than toilet tissue. The toilets' stopped up with Bounty, right? Sounds like you're gonna need some furnishing polish.