Today, my roommate and I invited a few girls over to our dorm for a small party. We started to play a drinking game, and I attempted to chug three beers in two minutes. My stomach wouldn't have that, and I spewed up bright red chunks everywhere and on everyone. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I got a little too drunk at my best friend's birthday party and threw up in the pub bathroom. I wiped everything up, composed myself, and went back to the party table before promptly throwing up on myself in front of the whole pub. FML
Today, I went to my first university party already a little drunk. I perched on the end of a table to cool off from the dancing and the whole table tipped over and dumped me onto the floor. I was promptly laughed out of the room. FML
Today, during my beloved's birthday party, I had so much to drink that I puked all over the room. FML
Today, I was out having a beer with a few friends. After getting a pint, I slipped in a puddle of beer, fell on top of a stranger on the sofa, and knocked my beer upside down on my head. Then, completely soaked, I realized I'd also knocked over the table, spilling its content on a poor girl across it. FML
Today, my loser roommate got wasted. He comes to me before going to bed, tells me he loves me, tries to hug me, then explosively vomits all over my face, my hair, my clothes. Then spends the rest of the night retching. FML
Today, I arrived in my dorm at 3 am to find my roommate passed out and a nauseating stench. While I was gone, he got drunk and puked all over the walls, carpet, and both beds. His inebriated attempt to clean up the mess consisted of smearing his vomit everywhere with my shower robe. FML
Today, I woke up after passing out at a very small house party. I'd set a three drink limit, but apparently nobody listened, because there were beer cans everywhere, half my stuff was on the floor, and someone had shat in my bathtub. I had to clean all of it up alone. FML
Today, my roommate invited her brother over to drink. Neither can handle their drink and her brother is a sympathy spewer. He’s not my guest but I had to clean up vomit until 4 in the morning. FML
Today, I drank half a bottle of tequila and had an edible within 30 minutes. I couldn't remember a thing until this morning when my roommates told me I pissed myself on the couch, projectile vomited in the living room, and went on to fondle my roommates, who also had to help me shower. I have a designated seat on the couch now. FML
Today, I was at a frat band party dancing with my girl when I felt some liquid on my arm. Normally, I'll lick spilled drinks off my arms and being slightly intoxicated, I did. Then I realized it was chunky. The girl dancing next to us had puked everywhere and I licked her vomit off my arm. FML
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Top comments
Hisoka_fml 0
Epic fail. Noob.
itsmeppl 0
uhhhh, ur profile pic was taken in front of a toilet!....
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Comments (142)
far_east 6
big fat and fulla fail. noooooob
ColdGold 6
Good puke story. So much for being the sterotype of a hard-drinking, college kid. Ready to give it another go?
ColdGold 6
Beer/foam/wet t-shirts
T3RR4_212 0
failure. id love to see you try to tackel a yard glass... thats a straight skull of 3 litres of beer, a common 21st tradition where im from...
Herboski1315 0
Maybe you should stick to cosmos and wine coolers.
flyinhigh2night 0
that's really sad
titty24 0
this is y girls don't date u
Worrdog 0
There's dumb, there's ignorant, and then there is you OP. You got what you deserve pusscake.
Strangeone01 0
That's what happens when you decide to be a show boating douche
xGraycloud 4
idiot. THAT, right there, folks, is a fail. epic fail. FYL