Today, my roommate and I invited a few girls over to our dorm for a small party. We started to play a drinking game, and I attempted to chug three beers in two minutes. My stomach wouldn't have that, and I spewed up bright red chunks everywhere and on everyone. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I got a little too drunk at my best friend's birthday party and threw up in the pub bathroom. I wiped everything up, composed myself, and went back to the party table before promptly throwing up on myself in front of the whole pub. FML
Today, I went to my first university party already a little drunk. I perched on the end of a table to cool off from the dancing and the whole table tipped over and dumped me onto the floor. I was promptly laughed out of the room. FML
Today, during my beloved's birthday party, I had so much to drink that I puked all over the room. FML
Today, I was out having a beer with a few friends. After getting a pint, I slipped in a puddle of beer, fell on top of a stranger on the sofa, and knocked my beer upside down on my head. Then, completely soaked, I realized I'd also knocked over the table, spilling its content on a poor girl across it. FML
Today, my loser roommate got wasted. He comes to me before going to bed, tells me he loves me, tries to hug me, then explosively vomits all over my face, my hair, my clothes. Then spends the rest of the night retching. FML
Today, I arrived in my dorm at 3 am to find my roommate passed out and a nauseating stench. While I was gone, he got drunk and puked all over the walls, carpet, and both beds. His inebriated attempt to clean up the mess consisted of smearing his vomit everywhere with my shower robe. FML
Today, I woke up after passing out at a very small house party. I'd set a three drink limit, but apparently nobody listened, because there were beer cans everywhere, half my stuff was on the floor, and someone had shat in my bathtub. I had to clean all of it up alone. FML
Today, my roommate invited her brother over to drink. Neither can handle their drink and her brother is a sympathy spewer. He’s not my guest but I had to clean up vomit until 4 in the morning. FML
Today, I drank half a bottle of tequila and had an edible within 30 minutes. I couldn't remember a thing until this morning when my roommates told me I pissed myself on the couch, projectile vomited in the living room, and went on to fondle my roommates, who also had to help me shower. I have a designated seat on the couch now. FML
Today, I was at a frat band party dancing with my girl when I felt some liquid on my arm. Normally, I'll lick spilled drinks off my arms and being slightly intoxicated, I did. Then I realized it was chunky. The girl dancing next to us had puked everywhere and I licked her vomit off my arm. FML
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Top comments
Hisoka_fml 0
Epic fail. Noob.
itsmeppl 0
uhhhh, ur profile pic was taken in front of a toilet!....
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Comments (142)
gottrythis 0
I just hope you room-mate keeps you up all night making puking noise for the rest of the year... better hope these girls dont have a big mouth or hope you had a lot to drink before. I have so many nicknames i call you what your frist name so i can list a few hahahahah
bigbadtim 7
You did leave an impression. I'm sure they won't forget you anytime soon.
raydee 0
U MUST NOT BE A DRINKER AT ALL THREE BEERS ISN'T SHIT AN I TAKE IT THE CHICKS LEFT WITH UR BUDDY HAHAHAHA
Onlyatmvah 0
mmmmmm... that's why hot cheetos and beer don't mix!!!
adorkable_spazz 0
haha dumbass
iRyanJr 0
YDI for being a women, and unable to drink 3 beers in under 2 mins.
20waffleater10 0
Why don't some comments show up.....very annoying, this site has a lot of problems but ehh I still like it.
succubusprime 0
cool story, bro.
evilcartman 0
douche
schalk 12
OP you know how it reads on the can "drink responsibly"? Pretty much the same reason a screwdriver set's warning reads "do not insert into penis" (I promise you I've seen that) or drain cleaner has a warning not to eat it.
ericnx 8
gay