Today, I was sitting at my desk eating cereal with my cat sleeping on my lap. I got a really funny text and I started laughing hysterically, and spilled my cereal all over my cat. I'll let you know how my legs, arms, neck and face heal up. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was carrying a bowl of cereal to the couch when my cat ran between my feet. I somehow saved every drop of milk but launched the cereal across the room. My cat immediately ate the cereal off of the floor and then walked away looking like he had planned it. FML
Today, I'd finally got home from a 15-hour shift at work and wanted to lay down and eat. I poured myself a bowl of cereal, went to my room, and sat it on my bed. My dog then jumped right on my bed and yanked the sheets off, causing the cereal to fly everywhere. FML
Today, in the early hours of the morning, my cat started scratching at my legs. I got out of bed and he raced me to the stairs, tripping me. I fell all the way down and landed in cat poop. FML
Today, I turned over in my sleep and fell out of bed, face-first into a puddle of cold cat vomit that my cat had left for me. FML
Today, I got out of my bed and immediately stepped into a half-eaten bowl of cereal. FML
Today, my cat threw up on the floor while I was taking a nap. I woke up, still groggy from the nap, and walked over to the bathroom. Not only did I slip on the vomit, spreading it all over the floor and myself, I think I somehow broke a toe in the process. FML
Today, my cat was laying on my chest while I was in bed. I farted, which my closed legs seemed to amplify. My cat was so scared, she used me as a launching pad and cut my chest in three places with her claws. FML
Today, my cat fell into the toilet, and I had to save him. I now have a soggy cat and scratched arms. FML
Today, I was going to be sick, so I ran to the bathroom. When I got there, I fainted, and fell back against the wall. When I came around, I immediately vomited all down my body, in my hair, and all over the floor. My cat judged me. FML
Today, the cat climbed up to the spice shelf while I was cooking. As I looked up and told him to leave, he tipped over a chili container which coated my face with chili powder. The bloody pain in my eyes then made me knock over a pot of boiling water. FML
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Top comments
junkinmahcranium 0
Be gentle with cats. You piss em off, you suffer. It's a way of life.
umbilicalbiotch 0
Im sorry for your loss. Every bowl counts
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Comments (106)
ChefBoy6382 0
add that to the long list of reasons why cats are stupid...
maralsky 0
To the cat haters: Cats are animals, and they scratch to defend themselves when frighten. To hate a cat for scratching you when they feel threatened (whether it's a real threat or not) would be like a hating someone for calling 911 because there was a serial killer in their home. They're animals; sometimes they don't know the difference between a real threat or an imagined one. Actually, some times humans don't know either. To those who feel sorry for that cat: Don't feel too sorry for the cat. :) The cat got to lick all the milk from the cereal off of himself after the whole thing was over... The cat definately won in this situation, unless the OP eats his cereal dry.
Cromwellsandwich 0
That's why I have dogs :) at least you can train their bad behavior..
jansdrs 19
If op ate dry cereal, this wouldn't have happened in the first place
uneekfreak16 0
You were just doing too much at once... eating cereal, while your cat is on your lap and reading a text?
coldplaylive2003 0
Poor kitty
1234five 0
Hahaha I love this one. That is hilarious
aback 5
No, a dog would just bite you in the face when it flips out.
mattmag 0
This is why you teach cats not to hurt people when they are very young. Just yell "NO" everytime they try to bite or take a swipe at a human, and they figure it out.
plexico 4
You are very lucky that dick and balls weren't in your enumerated list of injuries. With a startled cat in your lap, you'd think that's the first place the extended claws would rip!
mark_my_words 0
I cant tell you how sick i am of fmls about cats.
lich_fml 0
i love how this was written. but unfortunately for you, this is hilarious. :)
mark_my_words 0
I cant tell you how sick i am of fmls about cats.