Today, I was diagnosed with a clogged milk gland. I am not, nor have ever been, pregnant and therefore have also never breastfed. This condition is caused by my boyfriend's over-active urge to suck on my nipples. I'm in horrible pain, and he won't stop laughing. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was woken up by my husband attempting to breastfeed off my lactating nipples. FML
Today, I went to my gyn to see what a painful lump is under my armpit. Turns out it's breast tissue, and yes, it will fill up with milk when I'm pregnant. I essentially have three boobs. FML
Today, I caught my pregnant wife trying to suck milk from her breasts. FML
Today, my boyfriend started to suck on my boob, which I quite enjoy, until he said he was breastfeeding and called me "Mummy". I don't think I can ever let his mouth near my boobs ever again. FML
Today, I went to the doctor's to find out why I was producing small amounts of milky liquid from my nipples, even though I'm not pregnant. When she asked me to show her, I squirted on her shirt. FML
Today, my boyfriend started to kiss my boobs. I am pregnant and started my lactation period. Now every time he looks at me he calls me milky way. FML
Today, I went to the doctor because recently I've had a white liquid coming from my breast. I found out it's milk. I'm not pregnant. FML
Today, my husband admitted to me that he has a mental block about touching my boobs, because he's afraid that breast milk is going to spurt out at him. I had my son 5 months ago and I don't breast feed. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me that when my nipples are hard, he thinks that they look like giant zits, and when he squeezes them, he imagines them popping pus. He then reached for my chest. FML
Today, as I bent over to pick up my baby, a wasp flew into my bra. I jumped up in a panic, flattening the wasp between my boob and my bra, where it stung me on the nipple, which is now swollen, a funny colour, and throbbing. Did I mention the nipple was already irritated from breastfeeding? FML
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Top comments
ClassyCommando 13
Calcium gives him strong boners.
FortuneCookie3 1
maybe he could suck the blockage out.
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Comments (206)
onorexveritas 24
LMFAO @#1 but forrilz...thasux
iDaniel525 8
LMAFO at your spelling. But, for real...spell correctly.
cookiemonster97 0
Hehe my gf let's me do that
underguarded 20
Wow, You and the other 99% of guys who have sex with their girlfriends. You have won nothing.
DocBastard 40
Cookiemonster - my Virgin Detector is screaming right now. You're 14 and your username is "cookiemonster". Yeah, I'm not buying it. Sorry, champ.
MissMae93 23
DocBastard strikes down yet another wee little virgin. Well done, god sir.
MissMae93 23
Er.. *Good sir
cookiemonster97 0
14-yes. Virgin-no your argument is invalid
katt_is_here 24
Rosy Palm doesn't count. You are still a virgin.
foreverjoseph 5
Hmmmmm.....not feeling it young one. Good luck with this lying thing you've got going though. Doesn't seem to be working well, but good luck.
Tdevonner 0
amber cole much?...i think the thread got hijacked...ps: I love u doc...i wanna have ur bastard child...
heyred 11
To each her own, but I cannot fathom why you'd let him suck that hard. That cannot be pleasurable for you, unless you enjoy pain. Guys wouldn't allow their dicks to be sucked like that - it hurts! Your boyfriend sounds like a tool.
Ozone1232 5
I find this easy to ********** to.
astralvagan 20
I find you're a douche bag
Tdevonner 0
I found myself jolted back to reality from my...err...session I didnt realise I was having til I read 98
perdix 31
Why does the OP remind me of Larry Craig? "I'm not gay, nor have I even been gay." For some weird reason, I'd like to suck her **** in the Minneapolis airport. Is it just me?
kingsley_fml 8
So much bathroom humor, yeesh.
kingsley_fml 8
Comment 69! Score! I'm as happy as a little girl.
perdix 31
I wondered what ever happened to Dieter.
TheZriggz 0
Sucks to suck
pdp_fml 21
It's the same situation that they used to have prior to refrigeration and Baby formula. The women were called wet nurses and would breast feed infants for mothers who didn't want to or couldn't produce enough milk themselves. Too bad your breasts had a blockage. The Dr gave you some medication for your condition?
kitkatmeOw 8
That must've sucked the fun out of your day to find out :P
underguarded 20
I had no idea this could happen. I can feel my nipples shriveling up inside my body.
underguarded 20
*Retreating Is what I originally intended to write. Nipples don't shrivel. They retreat into protection.
kareltje 17
Gotta admit, it IS kind of funny ;o)