Today, I was diagnosed with a clogged milk gland. I am not, nor have ever been, pregnant and therefore have also never breastfed. This condition is caused by my boyfriend's over-active urge to suck on my nipples. I'm in horrible pain, and he won't stop laughing. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was woken up by my husband attempting to breastfeed off my lactating nipples. FML
Today, I went to my gyn to see what a painful lump is under my armpit. Turns out it's breast tissue, and yes, it will fill up with milk when I'm pregnant. I essentially have three boobs. FML
Today, I caught my pregnant wife trying to suck milk from her breasts. FML
Today, my boyfriend started to suck on my boob, which I quite enjoy, until he said he was breastfeeding and called me "Mummy". I don't think I can ever let his mouth near my boobs ever again. FML
Today, I went to the doctor's to find out why I was producing small amounts of milky liquid from my nipples, even though I'm not pregnant. When she asked me to show her, I squirted on her shirt. FML
Today, my boyfriend started to kiss my boobs. I am pregnant and started my lactation period. Now every time he looks at me he calls me milky way. FML
Today, I went to the doctor because recently I've had a white liquid coming from my breast. I found out it's milk. I'm not pregnant. FML
Today, my husband admitted to me that he has a mental block about touching my boobs, because he's afraid that breast milk is going to spurt out at him. I had my son 5 months ago and I don't breast feed. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me that when my nipples are hard, he thinks that they look like giant zits, and when he squeezes them, he imagines them popping pus. He then reached for my chest. FML
Today, as I bent over to pick up my baby, a wasp flew into my bra. I jumped up in a panic, flattening the wasp between my boob and my bra, where it stung me on the nipple, which is now swollen, a funny colour, and throbbing. Did I mention the nipple was already irritated from breastfeeding? FML
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Top comments
ClassyCommando 13
Calcium gives him strong boners.
FortuneCookie3 1
maybe he could suck the blockage out.
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Comments (206)
painri0t 0
Maybe if he blows on your nipples he can declog them?
katt_is_here 24
This part of the site is for older people. Run along, little girl. Run along.
SIyTendencies 0
Awesome.
prettypinkpixie 9
Posting such things is the reason of FML. And seeing as how the OP is anonymous there is plenty of privacy.
orashi 5
I wish my gf let me suck on her nipples like that She never lets me not even during sex
cocodecoeur 12
Bitch you're 16
kei1108 13
He sounds like a jerk. I feel like you should break up with him. He's not sympathetic, not taking responsibility, and not apologetic.
fieldhockey101 0
The awkward moment when you find out you have milk blockage due to your boyfriend sucking your nipples. Wow, that's a first.
Crabtree1015 12
LOL!
mspeacock 6
Sounds like my bf too, we're both in az, maybe we should start a support group for over worked nips roflmao!
tayytayy1995 0
Well this thought me a lesson, maybe i shouldnt let my boyfriend suck on mine a lot because I might be in the same situation as you.
Tdevonner 0
SCORE! ur ****** awesome. I bet u guys have an amazing sex life...u letting him suck whenever so much to the point he broke it lol u deserve a purple heart!