Today, I learned that my girlfriend is not a screamer nor a moaner, she's a biter. My arm is getting stitches right now. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my girlfriend's sister tried to pull the dog jaw prank on me, accidentally biting my finger in the process. Now she's mad at me because her tooth got chipped when I pulled my hand back, completely disregarding the fact that my finger needed stitches from her bite. FML
Today, my girlfriend's needy five year-old tried to swing on my arm while I was cutting celery. I needed seven stitches. Later, my girlfriend complained that I should have cleaned up the blood because she's squeamish, and that I upset her son by yelling and cussing in pain. FML
Today, I found out my new girlfriend is a screamer. This would normally turn me on, except she sounds like she's being murdered with a rusty fork. FML
Today, I was play-wrestling with my girlfriend. I ended up with a cut, three bruises on my arm and a black eye. She just giggled the entire time. FML
Today, while making love to my wife, I felt adventurous and told her to hit me. She didn't so much as hesitate before savagely slapping me with her ring hand. Now I'm back home from the hospital, with stitches closing up a huge gash on my cheek. FML
Today, my quite squeamish girlfriend came with me to get my latest tattoo. She saw a few drops of blood, screamed in the tattooist's ear, and completely fucked up part of the outline. She had to alter the tattoo drastically to cover up the mess and now it just looks bad. FML
Today, I got bitten at work. Not by a patient's mouth, but by the false teeth they were holding in their hand as they clamped down on my arm. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I got into a nasty fight. After a few hours, she wanted to give me a blowjob, so I thought we weren't mad at each other anymore. Turns out she was still mad because she bit my penis. FML
Today, my girlfriend decided to break the news that she wanted us to be "just friends." However, she did it not in just any old way - while ice-skating. I'm currently in hospital getting stitches in my arm after I tripped in shock and she ran me over. FML
Today, my girlfriend was giving me head during the horror flick we were watching. Little did I know, my girlfriend isn't a big fan of horror films. It was during a sex scene that intensified the moment. The same sex scene from which emerged a sudden jump-scare. I now have bite marks on my penis. FML
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Top comments
Lct1196 31
For the love of God, never 69.
Zelphoric 25
**** bitches, get stitches.
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Comments (111)
cjfred 13
Hey, at least you got laid. During an extended dry spell, at least, I'd consider that to be worth a few stitches.
vikky538 29
What is she? A vampire?
rachelllllb 18
omg! whatever you do... do not have a 69 with her... if you do i can see another fml coming our way
sousaphonist 14
sounds like my ex-girlfriend
biopilot17 9
At least she's not like mine and does absolutely nothing
Miss_Whipped 43
Like a dead fish.
Gillett 23
Boy, that's that good shit right there. Those the ones who like to be spanked, slapped (gently of course) and choked! Rough can see very VERY awesome!
Muttley9 13
Time to get a little BDSM: ballgag :D
chef4money 12
I can understand getting into it and biting but actuality causing a injury that requires stitches is too much for me. I'm guessing her mouth filling with blood didn't tip her off that she was being to rough. I guess I'm a prude, pain during sex isn't my idea of a good time.
Xx_ISeeStara_xD 15
I dunno, some people are into that, me for one. I personally don't like to bite, because I'm a masochist, so xD I'm taking it she's just a sadist, and next time you should just try talking to her and say, "hey, maybe this time I DON'T end up getting half eaten? :P"
wazzup206 7
Go to the sex shop and buy a ball gage should save your arm op