Today, I learned that my girlfriend is not a screamer nor a moaner, she's a biter. My arm is getting stitches right now. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my girlfriend's sister tried to pull the dog jaw prank on me, accidentally biting my finger in the process. Now she's mad at me because her tooth got chipped when I pulled my hand back, completely disregarding the fact that my finger needed stitches from her bite. FML
Today, my girlfriend's needy five year-old tried to swing on my arm while I was cutting celery. I needed seven stitches. Later, my girlfriend complained that I should have cleaned up the blood because she's squeamish, and that I upset her son by yelling and cussing in pain. FML
Today, I found out my new girlfriend is a screamer. This would normally turn me on, except she sounds like she's being murdered with a rusty fork. FML
Today, I was play-wrestling with my girlfriend. I ended up with a cut, three bruises on my arm and a black eye. She just giggled the entire time. FML
Today, while making love to my wife, I felt adventurous and told her to hit me. She didn't so much as hesitate before savagely slapping me with her ring hand. Now I'm back home from the hospital, with stitches closing up a huge gash on my cheek. FML
Today, my quite squeamish girlfriend came with me to get my latest tattoo. She saw a few drops of blood, screamed in the tattooist's ear, and completely fucked up part of the outline. She had to alter the tattoo drastically to cover up the mess and now it just looks bad. FML
Today, I got bitten at work. Not by a patient's mouth, but by the false teeth they were holding in their hand as they clamped down on my arm. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I got into a nasty fight. After a few hours, she wanted to give me a blowjob, so I thought we weren't mad at each other anymore. Turns out she was still mad because she bit my penis. FML
Today, my girlfriend decided to break the news that she wanted us to be "just friends." However, she did it not in just any old way - while ice-skating. I'm currently in hospital getting stitches in my arm after I tripped in shock and she ran me over. FML
Today, my girlfriend was giving me head during the horror flick we were watching. Little did I know, my girlfriend isn't a big fan of horror films. It was during a sex scene that intensified the moment. The same sex scene from which emerged a sudden jump-scare. I now have bite marks on my penis. FML
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Top comments
Lct1196 31
For the love of God, never 69.
Zelphoric 25
**** bitches, get stitches.
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Comments (111)
TurtleShampoo 14
If your into that kinky stuff that's great
tac0609 13
I don't think stitches count as "kinky"
SBurrke 11
Anything can be kinky for some people.
reaper4012 2
You just have no imagination
Steffi 26
At least she enjoyed it.
Tankkiller308 16
You tried to eat her out now she is going to eat you literally
daretotell 7
I don't see how this qualifies as sucked.
chocolatelover96 14
Probably because having your arm ripped open is not on most people's list of desirable sensations during sex.
_kyleG_ 34
Oh man, that bites
PapaMoti 21
Doesn't matter, had sex.
Hoopachi 19
Totally matters, got stitches
Zelphoric 25
**** bitches, get stitches.
Wakachulak 22
Lame and overused. Not you #23, you're good :thumbsup:
SarahSehhati 40
She needs a muzzle.....
sturschaedel 27
The term you are looking for is "ball gag".
Evil_Jester 17
Ball gags are useless, a muzzle is correct.
Mightytall 35
Don't let that scar your relationship, if she is otherwise a great person.
janfleury 19
There are positions that keep her mouth away from you. Just make sure she has a pillow or something that you don't mind her ripping up. Congrats on rock'n her world so much she lost all control.
LaColombianita 26
Next time give her a pillow to bite on or a blanket lol