Today, I went to a big family dinner. At one point, my cousin ran up to me, sobbing hysterically, holding his crotch, and making a huge scene. Turns out that while taking a piss, he "accidentally" swatted his willy with an electric bug zapper. I can't believe I'm related to this little shit. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was at a big family reunion at my aunt's place. Before dinner, I went outside in the garden for a smoke. Through the kitchen window, I saw my cousin spit in the soup. Twice. My aunt patted his back and continued stirring. FML
Today, my greatgrandpa came over for dinner. Halfway through the meal, he pooped himself. My family went through the rest of the meal acting like we hadn't noticed to avoid embarassment. As it was coming to an end, my sister came home and immediately yelled, "Ew! Did someone poop?" He cried. FML
Today, my friend whacked me in the family jewels while I was washing my hands in our college bathroom. While I lay writhing in pain on the floor, a guy at the urinal turned around towards me to see what was wrong. He was still peeing. FML
Today, my four-year-old cousin gave me a hug, basically stuffing his face into my crotch. Then he pulled it out and said "Ew, that's stinky" in front of my entire class. FML
Today, I accidentally farted in the middle of my grandfather's funeral and my cousin started cracking up. It caused a chain reaction of laughter throughout all of the other cousins and my siblings. Now my aunts won't speak to any of us. FML
Today, I was at a barbecue with my extended family. I was chatting to my grandma, when my idiotic brother decided to douse the grill with his cola. The hissing sounded so much like a Minecraft creeper that I instinctively screamed and practically shat my pants. FML
Today, I was babysitting my cousin when I realized my aunt didn't tell me where the diapers were. I searched the entire house, but I had no luck. Then my cousin ripped off the diaper she was wearing and peed on the kitchen floor. FML
Today, while at a family get together, my bowels suddenly decided they needed to be emptied. Straight away. I felt bad enough using someone else's bathroom for this, but later, my sister came in and loudly said "God, Brian, what the hell have you been eating?" in front of everyone at the get together. FML
Today, during a family dinner, my uncle asked if anyone had any embarrassing stories. Feeling brave, I told them about my recent breakup. As I was getting to the juicy details, my 11-year-old cousin piped up, saying, “You’re talking about the time you ate pizza naked, right?” My face was instantly beet red. FML
Today, I was taking a piss, when a mosquito came out of nowhere and headed straight for my dick. In my startled attempt to ward it away, I pissed all over everything, including myself. FML
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Top comments
ali671 1
Don't be such a tight ass about it
coolbrony12 3
Hm. Shocking.
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Comments (129)
leering_tub19 4
The real question here is how did he reach the bug zapper to begin with?!?!
demonmonkey 13
I wonder if he'll grow up to have an electricity fetish......
talloctopus 7
He deserves that shit. Hahaha
KayleeT 9
You don't have to call him a little shit. Kids will be kids. I swear, people will do anything these days to try and victimize themselves. Why don't you try and help him .. You know, being the older cousin and all ...
helenaa_luvsyew 2
dude. what was he doing with a bug zapper anyways..
ugh_a_lug 7
I really don't see how it is your life that us ******. First, you weren't the one zapped. Second, it wasn't even a sibling that ran up to you, it was your cousin. Your cousin went to you before his parents. I know if I was him I would not go to my cousins. He obviously feels that he has a close relationship with you. Be grateful for that. Third, it was at a family dinner. Who is going to be there that will judge you for a relative coming up up you crying? Unless that's how you swing, your secret lover isn't there to judge and neither is your arch enemy who will blackmail you forever with this information. Probably nobody gave a shit except you. Finally, I hate FMLs that end with "I can't believe I raised/taught/related to this idiot/ little shit" or some variant. Phew! I'm glad I got that out!
scarllet13101 5
Hey calm down, we've all been there.
fatalwish 6
technolgy is not for the ignorant
lukemack 4
Bad cousin
megamandude455 10
I can't believe he's the future generation. :/