Today, I went to a big family dinner. At one point, my cousin ran up to me, sobbing hysterically, holding his crotch, and making a huge scene. Turns out that while taking a piss, he "accidentally" swatted his willy with an electric bug zapper. I can't believe I'm related to this little shit. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was at a big family reunion at my aunt's place. Before dinner, I went outside in the garden for a smoke. Through the kitchen window, I saw my cousin spit in the soup. Twice. My aunt patted his back and continued stirring. FML
Today, my greatgrandpa came over for dinner. Halfway through the meal, he pooped himself. My family went through the rest of the meal acting like we hadn't noticed to avoid embarassment. As it was coming to an end, my sister came home and immediately yelled, "Ew! Did someone poop?" He cried. FML
Today, my friend whacked me in the family jewels while I was washing my hands in our college bathroom. While I lay writhing in pain on the floor, a guy at the urinal turned around towards me to see what was wrong. He was still peeing. FML
Today, my four-year-old cousin gave me a hug, basically stuffing his face into my crotch. Then he pulled it out and said "Ew, that's stinky" in front of my entire class. FML
Today, I accidentally farted in the middle of my grandfather's funeral and my cousin started cracking up. It caused a chain reaction of laughter throughout all of the other cousins and my siblings. Now my aunts won't speak to any of us. FML
Today, I was at a barbecue with my extended family. I was chatting to my grandma, when my idiotic brother decided to douse the grill with his cola. The hissing sounded so much like a Minecraft creeper that I instinctively screamed and practically shat my pants. FML
Today, I was babysitting my cousin when I realized my aunt didn't tell me where the diapers were. I searched the entire house, but I had no luck. Then my cousin ripped off the diaper she was wearing and peed on the kitchen floor. FML
Today, while at a family get together, my bowels suddenly decided they needed to be emptied. Straight away. I felt bad enough using someone else's bathroom for this, but later, my sister came in and loudly said "God, Brian, what the hell have you been eating?" in front of everyone at the get together. FML
Today, during a family dinner, my uncle asked if anyone had any embarrassing stories. Feeling brave, I told them about my recent breakup. As I was getting to the juicy details, my 11-year-old cousin piped up, saying, “You’re talking about the time you ate pizza naked, right?” My face was instantly beet red. FML
Today, I was taking a piss, when a mosquito came out of nowhere and headed straight for my dick. In my startled attempt to ward it away, I pissed all over everything, including myself. FML
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Top comments
ali671 1
Don't be such a tight ass about it
coolbrony12 3
Hm. Shocking.
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Comments (129)
kiraleann 16
If he wasn't a child, you should've have mentioned it, because since you didn't you are automatically guilty of referring to a child as "a little shit" over something he might not have known better about. And that's probably exactly how it was, too.
vbmg152 19
You can pick your friends but not your relatives! Don't call kids "little *****"!!
missalice0306 19
Calling your cousin a "little shit" seems a tad extreme
currilc 0
All the girls saying its not a big deal do not understand. Firstly, a male that does something that stupid with his penis is a little shit. Secondly, I think the OP intended to point out that this cousin ***** with shit all the time and probably wanted to pee on this one. Thirdly, he is your cousin and he shouldn't be coming up to you with problems about his penis, because that's his mother's job. Power to you OP, ignore the rest.
falloutking12349 0
Why are you being so mean about it???
Factor_fml 6
Why add insult to injury?
ArielTheMermaid 17
It really isn't a big deal. So he's a little slow for now. I don't see how that really affects your life. He's also young, so it's expected for a kid to do something stupid. You'll all probably laugh about it soon enough
MayLisa 4
He is family. Dude, wtf! He is just alittle child. Dont be so judgmental about it
loverainyday 0
Gosh u can't blame him b nice no one is shit
SimplyEerb 3
Experimenting helps him learn (:
TehMaskedWarrior 0
A bit creepy there...