Today, I went to a big family dinner. At one point, my cousin ran up to me, sobbing hysterically, holding his crotch, and making a huge scene. Turns out that while taking a piss, he "accidentally" swatted his willy with an electric bug zapper. I can't believe I'm related to this little shit. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was at a big family reunion at my aunt's place. Before dinner, I went outside in the garden for a smoke. Through the kitchen window, I saw my cousin spit in the soup. Twice. My aunt patted his back and continued stirring. FML
Today, my greatgrandpa came over for dinner. Halfway through the meal, he pooped himself. My family went through the rest of the meal acting like we hadn't noticed to avoid embarassment. As it was coming to an end, my sister came home and immediately yelled, "Ew! Did someone poop?" He cried. FML
Today, my friend whacked me in the family jewels while I was washing my hands in our college bathroom. While I lay writhing in pain on the floor, a guy at the urinal turned around towards me to see what was wrong. He was still peeing. FML
Today, my four-year-old cousin gave me a hug, basically stuffing his face into my crotch. Then he pulled it out and said "Ew, that's stinky" in front of my entire class. FML
Today, I accidentally farted in the middle of my grandfather's funeral and my cousin started cracking up. It caused a chain reaction of laughter throughout all of the other cousins and my siblings. Now my aunts won't speak to any of us. FML
Today, I was at a barbecue with my extended family. I was chatting to my grandma, when my idiotic brother decided to douse the grill with his cola. The hissing sounded so much like a Minecraft creeper that I instinctively screamed and practically shat my pants. FML
Today, I was babysitting my cousin when I realized my aunt didn't tell me where the diapers were. I searched the entire house, but I had no luck. Then my cousin ripped off the diaper she was wearing and peed on the kitchen floor. FML
Today, while at a family get together, my bowels suddenly decided they needed to be emptied. Straight away. I felt bad enough using someone else's bathroom for this, but later, my sister came in and loudly said "God, Brian, what the hell have you been eating?" in front of everyone at the get together. FML
Today, during a family dinner, my uncle asked if anyone had any embarrassing stories. Feeling brave, I told them about my recent breakup. As I was getting to the juicy details, my 11-year-old cousin piped up, saying, “You’re talking about the time you ate pizza naked, right?” My face was instantly beet red. FML
Today, I was taking a piss, when a mosquito came out of nowhere and headed straight for my dick. In my startled attempt to ward it away, I pissed all over everything, including myself. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
ali671 1
Don't be such a tight ass about it
coolbrony12 3
Hm. Shocking.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (129)
andreaaax3 5
My question is why is there a electric bug zapper in the bathroom?
Michael_92 20
I can't believe you called him a little shit for something that isn't even a big deal.
jayfreeman80 0
Wow OP you sure seem to have more odd things happen than anyone else on the site......amazing!!! At any rate - what the **** - the kid was experimenting - didn't you when you were younger???????
KiddNYC1O 22
You're a huge shit. Help him out.
VampObsessed 16
You're being really cruel. He's your little cousin and stuff happens. How is this at all affecting your life for the negative?
EmoBitchRock 0
If he's peeing, then how would he have the ability to zap himself, let alone have a reason to be holding one in the first place?
greenie213 23
"Hmm I wonder what happens if I... AAAAAAGH!"
TehMaskedWarrior 0
Oh, Man... Made me literaly Lol...
ohrlly7457 7
Kids and there masturbation these days.
andiewithlove 21
*their
flutter4 7
I thought this FML was funny as hell. I don't think your life is ****** because he is a moron. It will be a funny story to tell at future family dinners.
TheJester12 15
Quite the feat If you ask me, maintaining a bullseye in the pot while simultaneously fending off the Persian army of mosquitos swarming his Leonidas.
StaminPrimer 0
holy shit 39! that is funniest comment ever. But please do tell me who wins: the kid who somehow managed to zap his dick while pissing or the bugs he was possibly trying to swat. Oh yeah, that`s right, OP said he zapped himself while pissing, never said there were bugs. Still love the possibility. Must have taken some concentration to do this shit.