Today, I started at my new job. Turns out my boss is a complete douchebag. He spent most of the day looking over our shoulders and making cuntish comments about our work, then called a guy a piece of shit for farting, and forced him to spray disinfectant on his chair. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my boss let me sit in on a board meeting. It was awesome until the guy next to me let out a vile fart, then looked at me in disgust, causing the others to look at me in disgust too. When I told my boss what really happened, he told me to grow up and stop blaming the other guy. FML
Today, it was my first day at my new job. Not only does everyone hate me for replacing a guy they all liked, I managed to clog the only functional toilet there. The glares and threatening head-shaking they keep doing probably means I'm screwed. FML
Today, I started work at my new job. I was excited to have been given an office of my own, but shortly after sitting down at my desk, the door across the hall opened and an unspeakably murderous stench that could've curdled milk seeped in. My office is opposite the men's room. Great. FML
Today, my boss was being a total asshole. While in the bathroom, he turned his back on me, so I gave him the finger, mouthed obscenities, and pantomimed stabbing him with a knife. He was looking in the mirror and saw everything. FML
Today, I was awkwardly taking a dump at work, when a coworker in another stall started talking shit to me about our boss. I grunted and agreed, hoping he'd shut up and leave me alone. That's when a third guy sarcastically chimed in with insults from a third stall. It was our boss. FML
Today, I showed up to my new job early, hoping to impress my new boss. When he arrived, he walked by me and muttered, "Fucking tryhard." FML
Today, I found out my boss likes to shit talk about me when I'm not around. The best part is that I don't know what I've done to piss him off. FML
Today, I started at my new job. My manager, upon meeting me, hugged me and sniffed my neck, then commented that I smelled "natural" and told me how much he loves that. I have to work with this creep until god knows when. FML
Today, my boss confirmed he is a micro-managing asshole. We walked into the office together and I turned on the lights. He switched them off and switched them on again, just to make sure that I did it right. FML
Today, my new boss lost his shit and flew into a ten minute rant against me about the "value of respect". He told me that if I wanted to stay in "his" company, I'd best start toeing the line. All this because I corrected his misuse of "your" and "you're" in one of his memos. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
UhHuhHoney 20
That sucks. I would leave if this continues, don't want to be working in a negative ass environment.
AnthonyWheeler15 24
Yikes, how can he expect positive outcomes from his employees when he's breathing down their necks and being a dick? Hope it gets better OP.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (34)
NicoSnowFlame 10
Sounds like the guy version of my boss.
Miss_Scarlet 9
Uh farting is disgusting and definitely not work place behavior. I'm with your boss.
Thorzix 23
Farting is a natural bodily reaction, not a behavior. It's gross alright but sometimes can't be controlled.
thefallen12 13
Farting is a natural bodily function. And it isn't gross. Society perceives it to be for whatever the reason.
thefallen12 13
Idk why he would freak out over a fart. They're completely normal. Idk why people think they're gross either. It's a human function it's basically like say you hate yourself. Plus it's funny and awesome as **** lol.
d j mom 9
wow, just wow... you act like you've never farted in your life. I call bullshit. grow up and stop acting like you're better than everyone else.
grunt_fml 17
Just as a short note for the people claiming that farting is disgusting and that they would force their employees too to desinfect their chair. 1.) Everybody does it now and then, often it just happens involuntarily. When you say YOU don't do it, you are a liar. 2.) A fart is WAY less "infectious" than people seem to think. In fact it is pretty much free of bacteria AND it is "filtered" by your pants. Many other things are way more ridden with bacteria. When have you desinfected you smartphone the last time, hm? Because those things are actually way more infectious than your average fart.
kimmy7770 10
I know that would suck and I feel for you! But I cannot get the hilarious vision of your boss making someone get up and disinfect his chair for farting out of my mind! Lol!
Ipsum629 13
but... farts don't have living things in them.
CourtJester27 12
Awwww OP awwwww, omg OP, Awww OP, OP, OP! OP! OP! OP! ARRRRRACHNAAAAAAAAPOOOOOOOOOOO
False_Stupidity 42
I guess now you know why the position was vacant in the first place.
Gurtol 9
did you just use the word "douchbag" as a brit?
Elsweyr_fml 9
Yeesh, just keep your head up and ignore him, while looking for another job. Then leave the ass. Best of luck OP
skyeyez9 25
I had a couple supervisors like that. Fyl