Anonymous
United States
Nothing better to do
Today, I spent 3 hours trying to read my dog's mind. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Same thing different taste
fall3nrain
United States
Good boy
Today, I was trying to keep myself occupied due to my recent breakup. I was reading this book someone gave me about animal communication, so after a while, I figured I'd give it a shot. Then it dawned on me; I'm single, at home on a Friday night, and I'm trying to talk to my dog. FML
sleepy
United States
Today, I was trying to read a book for school, but kept falling asleep. Following some advice from a friend I tried reading on the uncomfortable floor. Two hours later my dog woke me up by peeing on my face. FML
Anonymous
Perth, Australia
He's still a very good boy
Today, my dog barked at his own reflection in the mirror for five full minutes. When I tried to calm him down, he started barking at me like I was in on the conspiracy that seemed to be going on in his head. FML
aXel
Today, my dog was watching me and started to have a hard-on, for half an hour. FML
lessinterestingthanadog
United States
Today, I invited the guy I've been seeing to my home for the first time. He spent over an hour talking to my twelve-year-old dog. Occasionally he would look up to ask me a question, but when I answered he would just continue talking to the dog. FML
BadBreath
United States
Today, I was having a horrible day. I was laying on the couch, crying, when my dog came up on the couch to console me. I was thinking about how great it was to have a dog, because they're there for you when no one else is. As I was sobbing, I heard something. My dog farted into my mouth. Twice. FML
Anonymous
Stinky
Today, I spent an hour blaming my dog for a weird smell in the house. I even gave him a lecture about “being a good boy.” I later realized the smell was coming from the ham and cheese omelet I'd left in the microwave two days ago. FML
Anonymous
Manchester, United Kingdom
Bad boy
Today, I realized that my dog is an evil genius. As I sat down to have a snack, he barked as if he saw someone outside. I went to check it out, but nobody was there. When I returned, I found my dog on the table finishing off my bacon sandwich. FML
Anonymous
It found you
Today, a dog came up to me while I was sitting on my porch. I used my belt as a leash to go try to find its owner. After an hour of looking in the rain, I gave up and let it go. Now I'm back in my house and it won't stop pawing and barking at my door. It's 3:00 a.m. FML
A
United States
Today, after I spent nearly three hours building an igloo, my dog decided it would be a nice to enter it and take a shit. FML
Top comments
saIty 17
"Why is my master looking at m-SQUIRRAL!!!!!"
missyj0 12
Sounds like you need a hobby..
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Comments (197)
Dnigz13 4
Well were you able to read it
PeteyPablo12308 20
Wow... Fyl indeed.
Aug1508 9
You need to get a life or need mental help.
porcupineattack1 5
What did you expectto find?
greenmen 12
Try reading a mind of 2 year old kid you'll get there.
rubberduckie94 13
"Food food food, oh that shit over there I bet I coul eat that for food. Gotta poop". That Is what your dog was thinking. My dog dog however thinks of Socrotes, Kant, Descartes. Plus has the sense of humor of all the greats combined.
loserman67 36
Who the **** is Socrotes? There is a Greek Athenian philosopher by the name of Socartes.
perdix 31
It's Socrates, genius. You ought to use Wikipedia and a spell-checker before you correct others.
rubberduckie94 13
And we wonder why the world is In the shape it is in these days. People feel smart for correcting a post on fml that really means absolutely nothing, but if you are going to correct be nice and be right.
rubberduckie94 13
Thanks for getting them perdix
D0ESiTMATTER 3
Get a life. One that includes sex.
Arxikist 3
Some people take their dog to the park..
ilovetextin16 0
sounds like you neeed a life(;
burningpassion69 6
Wow and I thought I had no life