Anonymous
United States
Nothing better to do
Today, I spent 3 hours trying to read my dog's mind. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Same thing different taste
fall3nrain
United States
Good boy
Today, I was trying to keep myself occupied due to my recent breakup. I was reading this book someone gave me about animal communication, so after a while, I figured I'd give it a shot. Then it dawned on me; I'm single, at home on a Friday night, and I'm trying to talk to my dog. FML
sleepy
United States
Today, I was trying to read a book for school, but kept falling asleep. Following some advice from a friend I tried reading on the uncomfortable floor. Two hours later my dog woke me up by peeing on my face. FML
Anonymous
Perth, Australia
He's still a very good boy
Today, my dog barked at his own reflection in the mirror for five full minutes. When I tried to calm him down, he started barking at me like I was in on the conspiracy that seemed to be going on in his head. FML
aXel
Today, my dog was watching me and started to have a hard-on, for half an hour. FML
lessinterestingthanadog
United States
Today, I invited the guy I've been seeing to my home for the first time. He spent over an hour talking to my twelve-year-old dog. Occasionally he would look up to ask me a question, but when I answered he would just continue talking to the dog. FML
BadBreath
United States
Today, I was having a horrible day. I was laying on the couch, crying, when my dog came up on the couch to console me. I was thinking about how great it was to have a dog, because they're there for you when no one else is. As I was sobbing, I heard something. My dog farted into my mouth. Twice. FML
Anonymous
Stinky
Today, I spent an hour blaming my dog for a weird smell in the house. I even gave him a lecture about “being a good boy.” I later realized the smell was coming from the ham and cheese omelet I'd left in the microwave two days ago. FML
Anonymous
Manchester, United Kingdom
Bad boy
Today, I realized that my dog is an evil genius. As I sat down to have a snack, he barked as if he saw someone outside. I went to check it out, but nobody was there. When I returned, I found my dog on the table finishing off my bacon sandwich. FML
Anonymous
It found you
Today, a dog came up to me while I was sitting on my porch. I used my belt as a leash to go try to find its owner. After an hour of looking in the rain, I gave up and let it go. Now I'm back in my house and it won't stop pawing and barking at my door. It's 3:00 a.m. FML
A
United States
Today, after I spent nearly three hours building an igloo, my dog decided it would be a nice to enter it and take a shit. FML
Top comments
saIty 17
"Why is my master looking at m-SQUIRRAL!!!!!"
missyj0 12
Sounds like you need a hobby..
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Comments (197)
Snafuusmc 12
I see no problem here or you were just oh so very bored.Then again for three hours? That may be too much.
Skullcrusher 5
What a loser!
tattoomommy10 0
I did that once to my cat then she gave this look a like I'll kill you if you don't stop
tookietookie123 5
I don't even spend that long reading a book.
PBAstar924 0
And what did you find out about your dog?
bobbyawesome 0
Why lol
Platfoot 0
thats what the cool kids do
loserman67 36
Here OP, let me save you some time: "Did I eat today? I hope so. Man, I really need to lick myself. I wonder if there is anything to chase outside? Why the hell is this asshole staring at me like that? I haven't chewed anything or shit on the carpet lately. Hey, what's that smell? Why does my butt itch? Maybe I need to drag it across the carpet, but that really pisses my Master off. I need to hump something. I think I'll lick my ass, then lick his face. That is a ******* riot. He thinks I lick his face because I love him. Did I eat today?" There, now you know what your dog is thinking.
Havin 19
You have too much time on your hands.
Stormyskyes313 4
Wow you're a dumbass.