Anonymous
United States
Nothing better to do
Today, I spent 3 hours trying to read my dog's mind. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Same thing different taste
fall3nrain
United States
Good boy
Today, I was trying to keep myself occupied due to my recent breakup. I was reading this book someone gave me about animal communication, so after a while, I figured I'd give it a shot. Then it dawned on me; I'm single, at home on a Friday night, and I'm trying to talk to my dog. FML
sleepy
United States
Today, I was trying to read a book for school, but kept falling asleep. Following some advice from a friend I tried reading on the uncomfortable floor. Two hours later my dog woke me up by peeing on my face. FML
Anonymous
Perth, Australia
He's still a very good boy
Today, my dog barked at his own reflection in the mirror for five full minutes. When I tried to calm him down, he started barking at me like I was in on the conspiracy that seemed to be going on in his head. FML
aXel
Today, my dog was watching me and started to have a hard-on, for half an hour. FML
lessinterestingthanadog
United States
Today, I invited the guy I've been seeing to my home for the first time. He spent over an hour talking to my twelve-year-old dog. Occasionally he would look up to ask me a question, but when I answered he would just continue talking to the dog. FML
BadBreath
United States
Today, I was having a horrible day. I was laying on the couch, crying, when my dog came up on the couch to console me. I was thinking about how great it was to have a dog, because they're there for you when no one else is. As I was sobbing, I heard something. My dog farted into my mouth. Twice. FML
Anonymous
Stinky
Today, I spent an hour blaming my dog for a weird smell in the house. I even gave him a lecture about “being a good boy.” I later realized the smell was coming from the ham and cheese omelet I'd left in the microwave two days ago. FML
Anonymous
Manchester, United Kingdom
Bad boy
Today, I realized that my dog is an evil genius. As I sat down to have a snack, he barked as if he saw someone outside. I went to check it out, but nobody was there. When I returned, I found my dog on the table finishing off my bacon sandwich. FML
Anonymous
It found you
Today, a dog came up to me while I was sitting on my porch. I used my belt as a leash to go try to find its owner. After an hour of looking in the rain, I gave up and let it go. Now I'm back in my house and it won't stop pawing and barking at my door. It's 3:00 a.m. FML
A
United States
Today, after I spent nearly three hours building an igloo, my dog decided it would be a nice to enter it and take a shit. FML
Top comments
saIty 17
"Why is my master looking at m-SQUIRRAL!!!!!"
missyj0 12
Sounds like you need a hobby..
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Comments (197)
RedPillSucks 33
Good to know you're pursuing your intellectual equal
totalnewbeeee 1
Why?
Polly452 2
Did it work??
HPFreak_97 2
Did it work?
FatTony2010 4
You need to get some friends and a bf or gf!
tonygar 17
Woof Woof Woof
obeliks 4
Troll
cierraashlee 5
Congrats, really. Dogs have souls and emotions just like humans. Most people taking them for granite when they are one of the most loving and forgiving things on the planet. You could really learn something from your dog and so could every other person who made fun of you for saying that.
Lizzy500 16
I've never mistaken emotions or dogs for igneous rocks.
_MidnightLuna_ 17
People take dogs for granite? Hmm, that ones new to me... I thought they just took them for granted.
vintagemeow 6
Know what else you can take for 'granite'? A chunk of igneous rock.
cierraashlee 5
For example, all the people calling you an idiot. They don't even know you but they have do much anger inside of them that they like to find "stupid" people of fml to insult to attempt to let their anger out and make themselves feel better about their own lives that they aren't happy with.
loserman67 36
Well, atrocious grammer not withstanding: The run-on sentence is great... I believe you meant to say "too much anger" not "do much anger"... And you have the guts to call others stupid? "Better to be thought a fool than open your mouth and erase all doubt." -- Think that over.
Havin 19
#92 I think I love you
Estapc 3
I think your "witty" attempt to correct his English only made you that much more of an epic failure. Try the word "grammar", it will work better then "grammer". Thank you.
loserman67 36
#103, I sit here eating humble pie. In my attempt to correct someone, I made an error. Thank you for pointing that out.
muffinXmonster 12
The force is not strong with this one.