Anonymous
United States
Nothing better to do
Today, I spent 3 hours trying to read my dog's mind. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Same thing different taste
fall3nrain
United States
Good boy
Today, I was trying to keep myself occupied due to my recent breakup. I was reading this book someone gave me about animal communication, so after a while, I figured I'd give it a shot. Then it dawned on me; I'm single, at home on a Friday night, and I'm trying to talk to my dog. FML
sleepy
United States
Today, I was trying to read a book for school, but kept falling asleep. Following some advice from a friend I tried reading on the uncomfortable floor. Two hours later my dog woke me up by peeing on my face. FML
Anonymous
Perth, Australia
He's still a very good boy
Today, my dog barked at his own reflection in the mirror for five full minutes. When I tried to calm him down, he started barking at me like I was in on the conspiracy that seemed to be going on in his head. FML
aXel
Today, my dog was watching me and started to have a hard-on, for half an hour. FML
lessinterestingthanadog
United States
Today, I invited the guy I've been seeing to my home for the first time. He spent over an hour talking to my twelve-year-old dog. Occasionally he would look up to ask me a question, but when I answered he would just continue talking to the dog. FML
BadBreath
United States
Today, I was having a horrible day. I was laying on the couch, crying, when my dog came up on the couch to console me. I was thinking about how great it was to have a dog, because they're there for you when no one else is. As I was sobbing, I heard something. My dog farted into my mouth. Twice. FML
Anonymous
Stinky
Today, I spent an hour blaming my dog for a weird smell in the house. I even gave him a lecture about “being a good boy.” I later realized the smell was coming from the ham and cheese omelet I'd left in the microwave two days ago. FML
Anonymous
Manchester, United Kingdom
Bad boy
Today, I realized that my dog is an evil genius. As I sat down to have a snack, he barked as if he saw someone outside. I went to check it out, but nobody was there. When I returned, I found my dog on the table finishing off my bacon sandwich. FML
Anonymous
It found you
Today, a dog came up to me while I was sitting on my porch. I used my belt as a leash to go try to find its owner. After an hour of looking in the rain, I gave up and let it go. Now I'm back in my house and it won't stop pawing and barking at my door. It's 3:00 a.m. FML
A
United States
Today, after I spent nearly three hours building an igloo, my dog decided it would be a nice to enter it and take a shit. FML
Top comments
saIty 17
"Why is my master looking at m-SQUIRRAL!!!!!"
missyj0 12
Sounds like you need a hobby..
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (197)
missyj0 12
Sounds like you need a hobby..
InstantRanbowMix 0
This isn't a FML just go get a life
Pentium_4 27
eh......playing video games is much easier
jojoboy 0
It's not an FML. OP just needs some human attention.. For at least 3 hours
hayyyyleyyyybaby_fml 14
for real. OP, they have books that tell you what's going on in a dogs head....it'd be so much easier to read about than to try and actually do....unless you're a psychic....
linstar 13
I want whatever OP's been smoking.
trollfaced 2
Or op needs a social life
I_Hug_Cats 26
I think that IS Op's hobby.
lilith5 0
Hi
Discombobulated9 12
Your dogs thoughts- "Oh gawd, he's staring at me again....Time to lick my nuts".
HarleyJM 7
Pentium I see you on every single fml I read
loopsy_fml 14
Op is an idiot
extrarider 3
Love your pic!
ParaFern7 4
Cute pic (:
rocker_chick105 31
I think you need to get out more
s15c 9
I just read this and thought, "What the **** is wrong with you?"
Bball_boy15 3
47- I just read your comment and said " UMad?"
Country29 16
Yeah I wonder how that went for him..
loufol22 5
That sounds FAKE
ElricMustang 23
Dogs' minds are very complex. I can read my bunny's mind, though.
Pentium_4 27
yes very fun.titan quest
Ijas 2
Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
yupitssoph 18
Me too. Because they don't have thoughts.
saIty 17
"Why is my master looking at m-SQUIRRAL!!!!!"
EpicSquirrel 0
*run run run*
alliewillie 22
It makes me sad the you actually misspelled "squirrel".
elephantom12 9
128 - you misspelled "that" which is even sadder ;(
CrocodilePolice 5
Do you now dream of chasing mailmen and licking peoples faces?
starwind3438 9
Or humping people's legs?
DogsPaw 16
Or ******** where you please?
KittyJay 3
And in the process you found out your dog has more of a life than you do... just a guess...
notsorandomguy 18
Did you end up chewing a bone?
StopDropNRoll 11
5 bucks says he tries again tomorrow.
Gamaryn 0
No, Tomorrow he's going to try it on his cat.
lorenzoman77 7
36 people owe you 5 bucks.
WhoaItsKiernan 4
I'm surr he's trying it again now.
iloveweed69 7
I do that too
1crabbygirl 10
Must be the weed.
iloveweed69 7
Oh it is
jojoboy 0
I bet he was thinking what an idiot you are for trying to read his mind