Anonymous
United States
Nothing better to do
Today, I spent 3 hours trying to read my dog's mind. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Same thing different taste
fall3nrain
United States
Good boy
Today, I was trying to keep myself occupied due to my recent breakup. I was reading this book someone gave me about animal communication, so after a while, I figured I'd give it a shot. Then it dawned on me; I'm single, at home on a Friday night, and I'm trying to talk to my dog. FML
sleepy
United States
Today, I was trying to read a book for school, but kept falling asleep. Following some advice from a friend I tried reading on the uncomfortable floor. Two hours later my dog woke me up by peeing on my face. FML
Anonymous
Perth, Australia
He's still a very good boy
Today, my dog barked at his own reflection in the mirror for five full minutes. When I tried to calm him down, he started barking at me like I was in on the conspiracy that seemed to be going on in his head. FML
aXel
Today, my dog was watching me and started to have a hard-on, for half an hour. FML
lessinterestingthanadog
United States
Today, I invited the guy I've been seeing to my home for the first time. He spent over an hour talking to my twelve-year-old dog. Occasionally he would look up to ask me a question, but when I answered he would just continue talking to the dog. FML
BadBreath
United States
Today, I was having a horrible day. I was laying on the couch, crying, when my dog came up on the couch to console me. I was thinking about how great it was to have a dog, because they're there for you when no one else is. As I was sobbing, I heard something. My dog farted into my mouth. Twice. FML
Anonymous
Stinky
Today, I spent an hour blaming my dog for a weird smell in the house. I even gave him a lecture about “being a good boy.” I later realized the smell was coming from the ham and cheese omelet I'd left in the microwave two days ago. FML
Anonymous
Manchester, United Kingdom
Bad boy
Today, I realized that my dog is an evil genius. As I sat down to have a snack, he barked as if he saw someone outside. I went to check it out, but nobody was there. When I returned, I found my dog on the table finishing off my bacon sandwich. FML
Anonymous
It found you
Today, a dog came up to me while I was sitting on my porch. I used my belt as a leash to go try to find its owner. After an hour of looking in the rain, I gave up and let it go. Now I'm back in my house and it won't stop pawing and barking at my door. It's 3:00 a.m. FML
A
United States
Today, after I spent nearly three hours building an igloo, my dog decided it would be a nice to enter it and take a shit. FML
Top comments
saIty 17
"Why is my master looking at m-SQUIRRAL!!!!!"
missyj0 12
Sounds like you need a hobby..
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Comments (197)
abbynoelle 1
Do you have a mental illness?
ghostofChrist 2
am I the only one that thinks this is win?
Calyx_fml 22
Son of Sam did the same thing.
Cynical_in_SK 6
Well I can understand why you tried...the dog is obviously smarter than you!
marramrammar 2
Hmmmm- sniff nuts, no piss on tree,no sniff the other dogs arse or someone's crotch, no get belly rub, no wonder why this jack off keeps staring at me! Dude really need to get a life! 3 hrs to think of absolutely nothing.
katiekatlovesu 5
Try spending 3 hours everyday on that! May be you'll succeed.
hateevryone 15
Did you learn anything?
emilyxoxo2 0
You need a life my friend.
xIBleedPurplex16 0
I bet he was laughing on the inside:3
ohwhoaa95 6
That's not a Fml, more like you have no life.