Today, I fulfilled my lifelong dream of going on a family trip to Disneyland. Less than two hours in the park, my kids have been scared shitless by every single character, they don’t want to ride any rides, my husband is drunk, and the mouse ears headband gave me a vomit-inducing migraine. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I tried being the 'cool parent' by taking my kids to a fancy, expensive amusement park, but ended up getting stuck on every ride and getting motion sickness. FML
Today, I took my family to Disneyland. My husband had more fun than my five year-old daughter. He was hitting on the princesses. FML
Today, I was supposed to go to Disneyland with my family, but I woke up with explosive diarrhea. So while they are at the happiest place on Earth, I'm stuck on this toilet left to imagine that the splash from my crap is a splash from Splash Mountain. FML
Today, I bought tickets to Walt Disney World for myself and my 6 year-old. She just announced she's afraid to ride an escalator, to the point of tears. FML
Today, I was at Disneyland with some of my friends. While eating lunch, we watched a small child get frightened by the person dressed as Mickey Mouse. We all burst out laughing only to be jumped by Chip and Dale. Apparently I scream louder than the little kid. FML
Today, my wife has locked herself in the bedroom crying because I said I didn't want to go to Disney for a vacation this year. We have been to Disney eight times in five years. Every vacation, it's Disney, Disney, Disney! I'm fucking sick of Disney! FML
Today, I got mugged at Disney World, the happiest place on Earth. FML
Today, I’m finally on the very expensive dream trip I’ve been planning for months and… I have a debilitating migraine that’s making me bed-ridden. FML
Today, I was at an amusement park with my kids. When we were on the Ferris wheel, I discovered my fear of heights. I hyperventilated, screamed from our seat "LET ME OUT! OH GOD LET ME OUT!!" I also began crying hysterically. They stopped the ride for me to get off. I'm a 45 year old man. FML
Today, our family went to a water park. The park's mascot came up to greet us, and my daughter got scared. She then refused to go inside, so we had no choice but to leave. FML
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Top comments
RichardPencil 32
As disaster-prone as your family seems to be, I hope your other dreams don't involve the Grand Canyon, Mt Everest or shark-cage diving.
roel135 10
Not sure what you expected. My dad took us when I was 4, and I don’t remember any of it. From what I was told, my sister & I wouldn’t ride any of the rides, and we were scared of the characters also. The only one we did ride over and over was “It’s a Small World”, and family still will say how annoying the song was. Take your kids when they’re older & can actually remember it/enjoy it.
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Comments (9)
RichardPencil 32
As disaster-prone as your family seems to be, I hope your other dreams don't involve the Grand Canyon, Mt Everest or shark-cage diving.
MidnaLink 35
Even the characters that weren’t full-sized Mickey Mouse/Donald Duck costumes? The Princesses too? Weird.
jbuckets_404 39
So in other words, a typical day at the Greatest Place on Earth.... ;-) Sorry that happened to you, OP. :-(
alycion 39
Sounds about right. Be glad your kids don’t want to go on the rides. You could add kids crying because of long wait to the list.
roel135 10
Not sure what you expected. My dad took us when I was 4, and I don’t remember any of it. From what I was told, my sister & I wouldn’t ride any of the rides, and we were scared of the characters also. The only one we did ride over and over was “It’s a Small World”, and family still will say how annoying the song was. Take your kids when they’re older & can actually remember it/enjoy it.
tr3yr 13
At that point I’d be like “Alright, time to head out.”
Rosemarie Townsend 13
Word to the wise: Don’t go until your kids are at least 9 years old.
penguinlady 10
So did you go to Disneyland or disneyworld? Because magic kingdom is not at Disneyland.