Today, I went to my phone company and had my text history pulled. Why? Because a few days ago, my four year-old daughter told me that, "Daddy has a wife and a girlfriend." Turns out she was right. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I found my daughter playing on my phone. When I got it back, I saw multiple texts to my boss saying that I quit. FML
Today, I received a text from a man my wife had an affair with, in which he stated that my 18 year-old daughter is biologically his. He then sent me pictures of her that my wife had sent to him. FML
Today, I found out that my mom has linked my iPhone with her iPad and has been secretly reading my texts. FML
Today, my husband and I sat our 10-year-old daughter down for a chat over her recent cursing. When my husband asked where she'd heard the words, she "innocently" replied, "from mommy's other boyfriend." He took her seriously, accused me of cheating, and hasn't been home since. FML
Today, my four-year-old daughter called me by her mom's new boyfriend's name. Three different times. FML
Today, I was in a store parking lot when I got a text from an unknown number saying, "I see you, I know what you did last summer, you wicked little shit." I freaked out and looked around in a panic. It turns out that it was my "hilarious" dad testing his new phone from across the parking lot. FML
Today, my boss told me he suspected his wife was cheating on him. I told him to pull up her Facebook page to look for suspicious activity. I looked at her profile picture and said, "Damn, that girl next to her fine! You know her?" It was his sixteen year-old daughter. FML
Today, my friends thought it would be fun to change my dad's name on my phone to my girlfriend's name. Guess who got an erotic text message when standing next to me while in the line to buy groceries. FML
Today, I got called into the school by my daughter's teacher. Apparently my daughter informed her class that over the weekend she spent her time with her daddy watching porn stars while her mummy was at work. It took a long time to convince her they were actually watching a TV show called "Pawn Stars". FML
Today, I got the cell phone bill for my family and saw that my son had gone over his limit by around 1,000 messages. Curious to see what he was talking about that much, I read the messages. Apparently, my 15 year old son is having it off more than me and my wife. FML
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Top comments
MissAwesomeness 4
damn kids are so truthful. fyl. sorry.
aaronmk 7
she must be one clever little girl
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Comments (56)
dookiedoo 0
at least your daughter will grow up knowing he's the asshole.
armorf0r 7
it's better to find out that way rather than walking in on them..
armorf0r 7
the whole thing is just ****** up in general too. people need to get their shit straight these days
Garytt 0
mayb its a friend thats a girl?
dreamering 16
Is your daughter name Sherlock?
Jonnieonit 0
why are you getting YOUR text history pulled?
KristinaKreme 0
Maybe her husband uses her phone??
ironyisforlosers 0
if her husband used her phone to text his girlfriend, then he's either extremely brave or just a huge dumbass
Clouded_Rhino 0
OR they share a phone plan... being married and such. duh.
kingtz 6
63, that's brilliant, actually. You use your wife's own phone to cheat on her with, as that's probably the last place she'd think to look for evidence. Best place to cheat? Take the girlfriend to your wife's parents' house!
RockstarRN 10
They share a phone plan. Primary holder can always pull records.
ChantelRenaeee 0
you're*
lidemocr 0
fail "ms OCD" hahaha
MandaOSU 1
Baahahaha, nice correction, 'Why are you getting "you are" txt history?' If YOU'RE going to correct someone, make sure you know what YOU'RE talking about baahahahahahaa!!
gabbygirll3 0
can you please shut the **** up.
EliseAqua 0
It really is YOUR. YOU'RE would be used as a contraction of you are. If you have to bug people about spelling and grammar and such, at least make sure the info you are giving is correct.
MrCush89 0
STFU!
kiaralove53 0
What a fail!
Mendoza_chris 0
Dude, that sucks ... At least the daughter will grow to hate her father...
missworthless 0
Ouch. I guess it's good you found out though so you can dump the cheating bastard, take half of his money, and find a decent man.
mexmelli13 0
kids say the darnest things.
mexmelli13 0
kids say the darnest things.