Today, my son told his 8-year-old sister that since she swallowed an apple seed, that a tree is going to grow in her stomach and kill her. She's inconsolable and won't believe that she'll be fine, because "they say that to all the dying people on TV". FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I told my daughter that she's going to be a big sister, because there is a baby growing in my tummy. She's been sobbing because I can't convince her that I didn't eat a baby. FML
Today, I'm beginning to regret explaining death to my 3-year-old son. We were at the supermarket when he looked at an elderly woman and loudly told her "You're gonna die soon!" FML
Today, my daughter asked why there was an X marked on a telephone pole. I told her it meant that they were going to remove it. She started crying and saying, "They can't kill the tree!" She's 16. FML
Today, I took my 6-year-old son to visit his grandmother, as the doctors say she only has days left to live. Minutes after we arrived, he leaned in close and told her that she's going to hell. FML
Today, my mother told my little sister and me that she has breast cancer to make us feel sorry so that we would clean our rooms. She is perfectly fine. My little sister still thinks that "mommy is going to die". FML
Today, my husband told my 5-year-old daughter that if I swallowed a watermelon seed, I would get pregnant. Tonight, she dropped one in my mouth while I was asleep. FML
Today, my eldest daughter told me about the sharp pains she's been having for the past couple of days. She also told me how she thinks it's really pointy carrots trying to escape her body. She's 11, and going to middle school. FML
Today, a girl told me she stopped eating cherries ever since her father choked on one when she was a kid. She later mentioned that she doesn't like to drive. I sarcastically asked, "Did your dad choke on a car too?" Nope, her two brothers died in a car accident. FML
Today, I ate an apple. My sister then walks in dressed as a witch, and asks, "Have you seen my poisoned apple?" She was playing at Snow White, and the apple had been dipped in the toilet, the cat's food bowl and the garbage can. FML
Today, after having recently told my 4-year-old daughter that she won't grow big and tall if she doesn't eat her veggies, she decided to pass this wisdom on to a midget that we passed in the store. FML
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Top comments
slooby_fml 25
She's pretty clever to not fall for your shenanigans
ryanthecheeseguy 18
This girl is going places. Not college, but places.
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Comments (123)
mariepastyglue 30
Just tell her what goes in must come out, it's better to have a child trying to poop all day instead of one believing she will die.
Neyuu 18
Don't tell her that. She might end up eating something that WILL kill her.
JessBassett 24
I remember hearing that when I was a kid, never have I cried so hard after swallowing a watermelon seed!
vehementbitch 4
It happened to me........
dawood_k 27
Omg how many seeds did she eat. Hope it's not gonna be a wild tree. Your son sounds awesome
iAlissa 34
Terrorizing his little sister doesn't classify him as "awesome" in my book.
BadApple88 29
Tell her if she finds the seed in her poop she gets 20 bucks lol
VasNormandy 14
I fell for that when I was kid, except my brother fooled me with a watermelon seed. Only time proved to me I wasn't going to burst wide open from a massive watermelon. She'll figure it out soon enough.
SamCat 21
my family told me, that my aunt had eaten watermelon seeds and thats why she was getting big. She was actually pregnant. I was so careful about not eating them lol :-)
paigexox0 37
To be fair..she IS kinda right
Dinonick 15
Anyone else wondering what kind of a person you have to be to have people come to your funeral just to joke about you?
CoffeeChickBlows 13
What in the Nine ***** are you talking about?
1PersonIsMyWorld 22
wrong fml
ViviMage 40
He thinks he's funny, he's replying to a FML above or below this on latest page. It's a stupid trend on this site.
buckdharma 38
So, Johnny Appleseed was a mass murderer?
ohSNAPyall 27
No, he just planted the murder weapon.
punkyboy 11
yup he was planting his seeds in all the girls
abekj52 9
well, another case of the seed not falling far from the tree