Today, my son told his 8-year-old sister that since she swallowed an apple seed, that a tree is going to grow in her stomach and kill her. She's inconsolable and won't believe that she'll be fine, because "they say that to all the dying people on TV". FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I told my daughter that she's going to be a big sister, because there is a baby growing in my tummy. She's been sobbing because I can't convince her that I didn't eat a baby. FML
Today, I'm beginning to regret explaining death to my 3-year-old son. We were at the supermarket when he looked at an elderly woman and loudly told her "You're gonna die soon!" FML
Today, my daughter asked why there was an X marked on a telephone pole. I told her it meant that they were going to remove it. She started crying and saying, "They can't kill the tree!" She's 16. FML
Today, I took my 6-year-old son to visit his grandmother, as the doctors say she only has days left to live. Minutes after we arrived, he leaned in close and told her that she's going to hell. FML
Today, my mother told my little sister and me that she has breast cancer to make us feel sorry so that we would clean our rooms. She is perfectly fine. My little sister still thinks that "mommy is going to die". FML
Today, my husband told my 5-year-old daughter that if I swallowed a watermelon seed, I would get pregnant. Tonight, she dropped one in my mouth while I was asleep. FML
Today, my eldest daughter told me about the sharp pains she's been having for the past couple of days. She also told me how she thinks it's really pointy carrots trying to escape her body. She's 11, and going to middle school. FML
Today, a girl told me she stopped eating cherries ever since her father choked on one when she was a kid. She later mentioned that she doesn't like to drive. I sarcastically asked, "Did your dad choke on a car too?" Nope, her two brothers died in a car accident. FML
Today, I ate an apple. My sister then walks in dressed as a witch, and asks, "Have you seen my poisoned apple?" She was playing at Snow White, and the apple had been dipped in the toilet, the cat's food bowl and the garbage can. FML
Today, after having recently told my 4-year-old daughter that she won't grow big and tall if she doesn't eat her veggies, she decided to pass this wisdom on to a midget that we passed in the store. FML
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Top comments
slooby_fml 25
She's pretty clever to not fall for your shenanigans
ryanthecheeseguy 18
This girl is going places. Not college, but places.
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Comments (123)
raegunXD 6
Actually Apple seeds are very poisonous. ): One probably won't hurt, but tell her not to eat them anymore.
Ashley868 10
I believed that when I was kid for watermelon seeds. It was my mom who told me so I wouldn't swallow them.
randm_dude 9
Anybody else wondering why the brother has bigger credibility than the mother?
HeartOfLead 24
Hopefully, the apple DOES fall far from the tree on this one.
Princess107 3
This has been the best all day it's heller funny
brunette427 3
Technically apple seeds are cyanide but the seeds of one apple won't kill you and especially won't grow a tree lol.
Shadowranger31 5
Both your kids are going places... Maybe not both to the same place... But places...
Bludmagnus 13
Your son needs the shit beat out of him.
darkfireflame 15
She watches too much tv
sproutlet 5
My dad said the same thing to me when I was about 3 and I refused to eat apples for about a decade.