Today, I realized how much I hate my apartment. Not only can I hear my creepy upstairs neighbor having sex with random hookers every few night, I can also hear him everytime he takes a shit. I honestly don't know which is worse. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I realized that having the apartment bathroom next to my bedroom space isn't so great and convenient when it's occupied by my evil roommate, Fartzilla. I hear every constipated grunt, despite having music turned up. Worse, it's like living next to a poop-pourri factory. Nose bleach, anyone? FML
Today, for the second week in a row, I woke up to the sound of my awful upstairs neighbors having sex between the hours of 1 and 3 AM. Their bed is so noisy, and earplugs barely help. At this point, based on the rhythm of their bed squeaking, I can tell when they're about to finish, and I hate it. FML
Today, sick of the unfiltered noise we hear from our neighbours in our upstairs apartment, as we're above their fence line, we signed the lease on an apartment downstairs. While I was downstairs, my partner clomped upstairs, opened the bathroom door, and took a piss. I heard EVERYTHING. FML
Today, I found out that there's a very loud and frisky couple living above my bedroom, and a family with a crying baby living above my living room. At this rate, I'll end up sleeping in the bathtub in my own home. FML
Today, I actually can't choose what's worse, hearing my direct neighbour having really loud sex on a regular basis, including furniture breaking, or hearing people cheering and playing the piano in the same room. Upper-class fantasy? FML
Today, and intermittently ever since I moved in, the guy who lives in the apartment next to me keeps having loud sex with his hookup of the week, while I’m trying to watch TV, eat dinner, etc. I can’t even complain about him to my landlord. Why? The noisy guy is my landlord. FML
Today, I found out that I bought a house next door to crazy people. She asked me if I would mind not showering when her husband is at home, because he can hear me and knowing I’m naked on the other side of the wall turns him on, which is a nuisance for her. He’s unemployed. He’s always at home, the creep. FML
Today, the walls in my house are so thin that I heard my roommate yell from the bathroom upstairs, "Hear my butthole roar." Now I’m scared to use the bathroom after him. FML
Today, I had my parents over at my new apartment. As I was telling them how quiet and peaceful my new place is, we could hear my neighbors talking nasty to each other before launching into a full-blown sex ordeal. FML
Today, the landlord of our building constructed a bathroom in the space under the stairs, outside my office, on the other side of a thin wall. He must have some kind of bowel disorder, because now I get to hear the sounds of his loud, wet and gassy pooping several times per day. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
purple_riot 0
What about when the hookers take a shit?
heatherrrx 0
Move out! Plain and simple. Either that or report him because prostitution is illegal, so maybe he'll get thrown in jail and he won't bother you anymore.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (116)
AdamGD 0
The ******** probably unless he makes an extremely wierd sound while having sex, like an elephant noise :D
Brittanii 0
damnn..wat can u do??
allyrose 0
Damn that sucks I know the feeling I've had neighbors like that in the past I hated those people l heard everything even heard them snoring at nite.
justme8977 0
LOL @31!!! I think taking shit would be as it is more regular. You should get an SO an spend nights at their house
Lisimal 7
I also live in an apartment that has thin ass walls. You don't know how much it sucks to hear people ********. Especially if they have diarrhea >=|
muffinsareyummy 1
how do you know they're hookers? he could just be a player with 3 or 4 girlfriends.
Nightfallz 0
YDI for not finding a new apartment. instead of bitching about it on fml why don't you move out
SusanaSaysRawrxD 0
I'm not a big fan of the 'realized' FMLs, but this one is awesome. your life sucks. but I love the way you worded it, that last line made me laugh. the FMLS are so much more enjoyable when written in a witty manner :D
RenRen_fml 0
I think both are equally as bad! Maybe you call your local police station and tell them that your neighbor is having sex with minors. This can land him in jail, and he can just shit in the cell toilets; this way, you won't have to hear him making weird noises anymore :) Just a suggestion~
ahoyhoy123 0
lol hahaha. thats actually pretty funny. poor you though.