Today, I realized how much I hate my apartment. Not only can I hear my creepy upstairs neighbor having sex with random hookers every few night, I can also hear him everytime he takes a shit. I honestly don't know which is worse. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I realized that having the apartment bathroom next to my bedroom space isn't so great and convenient when it's occupied by my evil roommate, Fartzilla. I hear every constipated grunt, despite having music turned up. Worse, it's like living next to a poop-pourri factory. Nose bleach, anyone? FML
Today, for the second week in a row, I woke up to the sound of my awful upstairs neighbors having sex between the hours of 1 and 3 AM. Their bed is so noisy, and earplugs barely help. At this point, based on the rhythm of their bed squeaking, I can tell when they're about to finish, and I hate it. FML
Today, sick of the unfiltered noise we hear from our neighbours in our upstairs apartment, as we're above their fence line, we signed the lease on an apartment downstairs. While I was downstairs, my partner clomped upstairs, opened the bathroom door, and took a piss. I heard EVERYTHING. FML
Today, I found out that there's a very loud and frisky couple living above my bedroom, and a family with a crying baby living above my living room. At this rate, I'll end up sleeping in the bathtub in my own home. FML
Today, I actually can't choose what's worse, hearing my direct neighbour having really loud sex on a regular basis, including furniture breaking, or hearing people cheering and playing the piano in the same room. Upper-class fantasy? FML
Today, and intermittently ever since I moved in, the guy who lives in the apartment next to me keeps having loud sex with his hookup of the week, while I’m trying to watch TV, eat dinner, etc. I can’t even complain about him to my landlord. Why? The noisy guy is my landlord. FML
Today, I found out that I bought a house next door to crazy people. She asked me if I would mind not showering when her husband is at home, because he can hear me and knowing I’m naked on the other side of the wall turns him on, which is a nuisance for her. He’s unemployed. He’s always at home, the creep. FML
Today, the walls in my house are so thin that I heard my roommate yell from the bathroom upstairs, "Hear my butthole roar." Now I’m scared to use the bathroom after him. FML
Today, I had my parents over at my new apartment. As I was telling them how quiet and peaceful my new place is, we could hear my neighbors talking nasty to each other before launching into a full-blown sex ordeal. FML
Today, the landlord of our building constructed a bathroom in the space under the stairs, outside my office, on the other side of a thin wall. He must have some kind of bowel disorder, because now I get to hear the sounds of his loud, wet and gassy pooping several times per day. FML
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Top comments
purple_riot 0
What about when the hookers take a shit?
heatherrrx 0
Move out! Plain and simple. Either that or report him because prostitution is illegal, so maybe he'll get thrown in jail and he won't bother you anymore.
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Comments (116)
fallacy_fml 0
Well, you're better off than a lot of people.
folie_fml 0
Reminds me of the Regina Spektor song "Pavlov's Daughter."
monkey314159 0
whoa, you need to refill your prescription of chill pills.
Turn1211 0
Least he's getting laid
redioactif 0
Shit.
ithedarkknight 0
I was about to say i feel sorry for you but then when you started talking shit about your neighbor getting some made me think your just a lonely horny hater... just because he is getting laid that means he is ****** hookers??? how would you even know they were hookers unless your nosey self was lookin snooping around... im glad when he takes a shit you hear it...thats what you get for talkin shit... now listen to yourself talk when he taking a dump thats what you sound like bish!!!!!!!
soccergirl37 0
I don't think he just realized it, but he'd like to use this story as an FML. However, because it must start with "Today," they have to say that, to tell us it's been going on for a while. FYL for being an idiot.
DarthJeff 0
lmao.
brrrx 0
Today, I read another post about how someone "just realized" something that has been going on for a long time. FML.
furry_fml 6
Feel sorry for you
SENECABALLER 0
i would laf my aaaaass of every time i herd him doing ether
Radclaw1 3
threesome