Today, my shitburglar of an ex asked me to take him back. He said dumping me was a huge mistake. He dumped me because I was bed-ridden for several weeks and was in no condition to have sex. If his social media is anything to go by, he only wants me back because he couldn't get laid elsewhere. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my cockgoblin of an ex showed up at my house, begging me to take him back. This guy, with his friends' help, faked being kidnapped just so he could use the "trauma" to guilt me into sleeping with him after he "escaped". When he finally left, he yelled that I'm a selfish bitch. FML
Today, the guy I gave up all my social life and casual sex partner for, suddenly decided that he wants nothing to do with me sexually, and then called me "desperate" for wanting to be his friend despite that fact. Now, because of him, I'm no longer getting laid, and I have no friends. FML
Today, after my ex helped me drop over a hundred pounds, I broke up with him because I looked and felt so much better, and knew I could do better. Turns out he was the only thing keeping me slim, as I've put back on over twenty pounds. I asked him to take me back and he told me to fuck off. FML
Today, my boyfriend called me and dumped me. Thirty minutes later he called asking for me back. When I asked why, he said "The other girl dumped me." FML
Today, after being in the hospital for two weeks after emergency abdominal surgery, my girlfriend, who didn't even bother to ask how I was, made me hobble to her house just to dump me and send me straight back home. FML
Today, I send a text message to my ex-boyfriend, who dumped me four months ago, telling him to come back. His answer: "feeling-wise I won't come back to you, but sexually, why not". FML
Today, after a guy I really liked and we decided to have sex, and he gagged and told me I stank when he got 'down there', I broke up with him, badly, but it's now a week later and I’m in hospital with a severe infection down there. He was right, and now he won’t take me back. FML
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. He said I was way too good at sex so I must have lied about not having much experience, and he "wouldn't be with someone who is hiding something." WTF? FML
Today, I got dumped during sex. FML
Today, I found out that the reason my ex-fiance didn't visit me in the hospital after my accident, which I dumped him for, was because the hospital wouldn't let him in because he wasn't family. He's blocked my number, returned the ring and everything. FML
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Top comments
bunnyfish 27
I pictured the hamburglers evil twin shitburgler when I read that.
bigbrown24 17
what a douche bag. you don't need him
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Comments (43)
searchr999 14
This is not a FML. It is a blessing that the liser is gone. Never ever take him back.
SmittyJA24 26
That he can't get laid elsewhere is a clue you shouldn't be ******* him.
suznmar 16
Stay strong girl! You deserve better!
neuronerd 29
You could always take him back for one date, say you want to try something kinky, put a chastity device on him, lock it, and leave. That may, however be a bit extreme.
MysteryGuest214 10
Some of us here have a rich and full fantasy life...
pjsr 33
That's awesome for you. FHL for getting what he deserves.
rorex 26
Fyl, but you said shitburglar and that sounds stupid so ydi too
weatherxveins 29
How does OP using a word you dislike mean that she deserves to be devalued as a person and treated like shit?
Vindogg71 9
I'm guessing you took him back?
pinkponypants 12
I hope you said no. When you are incapacitated like you were, you get to see who your mate really is, and he really is a jerk.
captainsmegma 12
Take him back you got this jerk by the balls.