Today, my shitburglar of an ex asked me to take him back. He said dumping me was a huge mistake. He dumped me because I was bed-ridden for several weeks and was in no condition to have sex. If his social media is anything to go by, he only wants me back because he couldn't get laid elsewhere. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my cockgoblin of an ex showed up at my house, begging me to take him back. This guy, with his friends' help, faked being kidnapped just so he could use the "trauma" to guilt me into sleeping with him after he "escaped". When he finally left, he yelled that I'm a selfish bitch. FML
Today, the guy I gave up all my social life and casual sex partner for, suddenly decided that he wants nothing to do with me sexually, and then called me "desperate" for wanting to be his friend despite that fact. Now, because of him, I'm no longer getting laid, and I have no friends. FML
Today, after my ex helped me drop over a hundred pounds, I broke up with him because I looked and felt so much better, and knew I could do better. Turns out he was the only thing keeping me slim, as I've put back on over twenty pounds. I asked him to take me back and he told me to fuck off. FML
Today, my boyfriend called me and dumped me. Thirty minutes later he called asking for me back. When I asked why, he said "The other girl dumped me." FML
Today, after being in the hospital for two weeks after emergency abdominal surgery, my girlfriend, who didn't even bother to ask how I was, made me hobble to her house just to dump me and send me straight back home. FML
Today, I send a text message to my ex-boyfriend, who dumped me four months ago, telling him to come back. His answer: "feeling-wise I won't come back to you, but sexually, why not". FML
Today, after a guy I really liked and we decided to have sex, and he gagged and told me I stank when he got 'down there', I broke up with him, badly, but it's now a week later and I’m in hospital with a severe infection down there. He was right, and now he won’t take me back. FML
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. He said I was way too good at sex so I must have lied about not having much experience, and he "wouldn't be with someone who is hiding something." WTF? FML
Today, I got dumped during sex. FML
Today, I found out that the reason my ex-fiance didn't visit me in the hospital after my accident, which I dumped him for, was because the hospital wouldn't let him in because he wasn't family. He's blocked my number, returned the ring and everything. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
bunnyfish 27
I pictured the hamburglers evil twin shitburgler when I read that.
bigbrown24 17
what a douche bag. you don't need him
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (43)
Jayms_fml 32
What a swine!
rtigers15 8
don't worry about f***boys they aren't worth your time! you deserve a real man
LyricaSilvan 30
Don't do it.
Nomaddict 14
sounds like you need to block someone.
exergency 17
If someone doesn't stick by you the difficult situations of life, then they certainly don't deserve you at your best times.
Nysha 17
Congratulations on your new life, minus one giant turd bucket! Maybe you should print him off some instructions on making a DIY fleshlight as a parting gift.
TAntobella 14
What a fantastic opportunity to laugh out loud on his face and flip the finger!
legendof90 14
You dumped him or dumped u. Which is it
leogachi 15
@21 The FML clearly states that he dumped her.
mld4657 28
im sorry o.p. but I totally lost it when I read shitburglar
XboxSqueaker 15
punch him in the dick. hard.