Today, I went to a market. I saw stall which had mainly animal furs and things like that. I found a rounded, furry pen and stroked my cheek with it. Wondering what it was, being so soft and oddly shaped, I checked the tag. It was kangaroo testicles. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, after applying for a job at the local pet store, I picked up a ferret. It began licking my cheek, causing me to turn my head. It then latched onto my ear and hung like a giant furry hoop earring. I screamed, then quietly left the building. FML
Today, I was doing laundry at work. I work at a spay/neuter clinic and was about to throw in a load of towels when I noticed something in the washer. It looked like one of the detergent packets we use. It was a testicle. FML
Today, I was volunteering at a zoo event for special needs kids. My job was to dress up in a kangaroo costume and greet the kids. One kid came up and said, "You're not real!" and kicked me in the nuts. FML
Today, I was at my friend's house, when she commented that her dog's fur kept getting tangled because of its length. I reached over to tickle his tummy, felt a big tangled knot and agreed that he needed a good grooming. Then I realized what I'd grabbed wasn't fur. FML
Today, I took my puppy outside to play. At one point, she stopped chewing on her toy and ran over to give me a big kiss all over my face and mouth. A few minutes later I realized that her chew toy was actually the dried up carcass of a toad. FML
Today, while on a road trip through Australia with my dad, we were both complaining that we had yet to see any kangaroos. Suddenly, we saw one up real close. The rental car saw it even closer. FML
Today, I was walking by a pond when I saw a small frog. I decided to catch it to get a close look. After I picked it up, I realized that it was not a frog. It was dog shit shaped like a frog. FML
Today, at the museum I volunteer at, I was touching some of the things in the exhibit where you can feel what natural boobs and testes feel like. I started rolling the "boob" like a stress ball and forgot where I was. When I realized people were staring, it became very awkward. FML
Today, a stuffed ferret was the latest addition to the list of weird items my colleagues have found in our rubbish tip, and that they put in my office. The list also includes explicit fetish porn playing cards, live ammo and dead pheasants, to name a few. I need a new job. FML
Today, at work, I decided to make things more interesting, so when I called people I used a fake accent. As I was using an Australian accent, the person I was talking to asked me where in Australia I was from. I desperately replied, "Where the kangaroos are..." I'm now jobless. FML
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Top comments
ItsAUnicorn 27
Tea bag!
RageWolf16 31
It's okay my dad owns the penis bone of a walrus
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Comments (110)
vikky538 29
aww... why on earth they are selling kangaroo balls..
cakefete2 31
Cuz they're nuts.
Arwen_Evenstar 37
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
YDI for looking at a stall with animal furs and similar. Nobody needs those. I'm guessing at least some were from wild animals who were killed for that alone. Shame on you.
rocker_chick105 31
I mean, I don't buy things with animal furs but that doesn't mean I can't look at the stalls. That shit is so soft. And how do you know it's just for that? Maybe they killed it for the meat and they didn't want to waste the fur. Shame on you for assuming.
Aussiemozzie 4
In Australia we cull over a million kangaroos per year to stop them from reaching levels where they overgraze and destroy their environments. The choice is shooting them, or a situation where many starve to death. It's an unfortunate reality, but most kangaroo products such as furs come from culled animals, so I think it's a bit rich to judge someone looking at a stall with kangaroo products. Why waste the rest of the animal when it can fill a niche market and hopefully stop animals being unnecessarily killed just for their skins?
Awesome_Ninjaz 12
We also eat their meat. So using their fur and dangly bits means we also use a lot of the caucus.
JRT98 12
As one who hunts, I feel I should tell you there are almost no animals hunted directly for the fur. Even the wee squirrels are eaten, at least here. No hunter/trapper likes to waste, we have a respect for the animals.
QueenofWheels 13
So they kill animals so they don't die. Sounds like something hunters tell St.Peter before he sends them to hell.
fffianist 9
101, It's not a sin to hunt animals.
BarrackOfObamas 8
As long as you did not enjoy it after or keep it
pjsr 33
Don't worry, you'll bounce bag just fine!
Liiiiiiiiike 15
Kangaroo ********. Fresh from the outback.
chosha_fml 27
I think you mean a kangaroo scrotum, OP.
Edumcg 24
"Oddly shaped" That was your first warning.
thundermoo 16
My issue isn't that you were looking at animal furs. My issue is that you, knowing it came from an animal, put it on your face before looking to see what it was. That's kind of your own fault.
worldclassrager 41
It's amazing what you can find at those stalls...looks like nothing goes to waste
patd77 12
Nasty