Today, this girl I've been talking to texted me, saying she was going to visit. Trying to be sweet, I bought her $50 worth of chocolate and a cute card. Turns out she meant to send that text to her ex. Seems like the only thing I'll get from this relationship is diabetes. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I texted the girl I'm going to homecoming with in a couple days to say hi. The conversation started OK, but then morphed into her saying that she doesn't feel anything between us, and wants to stop being friends after the dance. I have to buy her dinner and a ticket, out of my own wallet. FML
Today, I got a text from my girlfriend saying she needed more phone credit, so I bought her more and got another message saying "Great, now I have enough credit for this..." as she spelled out a three page message breaking up with me. Yes, I paid for her to break up with me via text. FML
Today, my girlfriend dumped me after I told her I found out I have diabetes. She thought it was an STD and I had cheated on her. So I explained what it really was and she dumped me again because she didn't want her future children to inherit my fucked up DNA. FML
Today, I sent the girl I like a Twinkie with a note saying "Enjoy! You deserve it". I found out later through an angry email that someone had written "you damn fatty" on the end of the note. FML
Today, I was meal-planning for the week, and sent my fiancee a grocery list with the stuff I needed. She ignored the list and bought nothing but junk food. I guess we can just eat cookie dough and sugar cereal, and die of diabetes in our fifties. FML
Today, my girlfriend dumped me because, she says, I have diabetes and she can’t handle the complications that may occur in the future. This after I arranged for her to take trip to Italy to ride horses, which has been on her bucket list for like 10 years. FML
Today, I was texted out of the blue by a girl I treated to dinner last year. Since then, we'd chatted and met in passing a few times, but she'd turned down or cancelled all my other date invitations. Sadly, she wasn't trying to meet up. She wanted $500 to benefit a male friend, who was down on his luck. FML
Today, I asked out the girl of my dreams, the girl I've loved for 3 years. I went to her desk and surprised her with roses, chocolates, and played “All I Want for Christmas is You.” She said no. On top of that, she ate all the chocolates. FML
Today, my girlfriend made a delicious birthday breakfast, and she said there would be a surprise at the end. Today is not my birthday, it's her ex's. FML
Today, after buying my girlfriend an expensive gift for her birthday, cooking her breakfast in bed, and treating her all day ending with dinner and cake at her parents, she burst into tears and said the whole day was ruined. Why? I forgot to buy her a birthday card. FML
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Top comments
MandyMeow_fml 18
Why would you buy fifty dollars worth of chocolate.. That's so much chocolate.
CryosFear 14
Who needs a girlfriend, I've got chocolate...
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Comments (80)
ClassyCataclasis 4
So you were trying to give her diabetes then?
Ki11erC 18
Quantity or quality that's way to much to be spending on someone you've just started chatting to. Comes across as pretty weird tbh.
Andriaia 13
You're just talking to her. it's not even a relationship
FATALSTR1KE 9
You always get confirmation first. Never just assume!
ostfaiz 18
Visit ur nearest playschool, distribute the chocolates among kids ( if they allow ) , trust me this way u can buy urself happiness n satisfaction
captain_crook 17
you can't do that in the US with the amount of crazies trying to kidnap/ murder school kids. would be very suspicious.
Cookiee04 15
you think thst all the chocolate would give you diabetes but you didn't think about it when you got it for her?
asherm 15
I'll share the chocolate with you, oh and I work in medical, so I'll help you with the Diabeetus too :)
KatyLarae 13
But now you have chocolate... Who needs girls
inseenglish 9
or you just give em to your dog...
Ipsum629 13
Diabeetus