Today, I was selling winter-themed cookies at my university. I cheerfully asked a girl if she would like to buy cookies to support peer tutoring. Her response? "I don't eat food." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I saw a girl asking for money on the median of an entrance to a parking lot with her dog. Later, I bought a box of dog treats for her. I drove up and handed it to her. She rolled her eyes and said, "How the hell am I supposed to carry that?" I sat there in stunned disbelief with the box she refused to take. FML
Today, a group of Girl Scouts came to my door selling chocolate bars. I bought two bars and smiled as they left, thinking I'd done a good deed. When the door closed, I heard one of the girls say, "Told you, the fat bitches always wanna buy from us." FML
Today, my aunt and I wanted to do something nice. So we made cookies for a local nursing home. After tasting them, nobody ate any. FML
Today, I asked an elderly customer at my work if she needed help with her groceries. She responded, "I normally would, but I'm afraid you'll eat all the groceries." FML
Today, I was selling cookie dough for a fundraiser at an old folks home. One lady ordered a box and told me that she loved cookie dough. I told her it'd be here in four weeks, she said, "Oh I can't wait!" Not really thinking, as I left I said, "I hope you can make it till then!" FML
Today, I was babysitting my niece. While we were at the grocery store, she pointed at me and loudly announced, “She says she’s on a diet, but she eats cookies in bed!” She wasn’t wrong. The cashier raised an eyebrow. FML
Today, I bought a personalized cookie cake with "Will you go out with me?" for the girl I've liked for five months. When I showed her, she said no, but took the cake with her anyway. FML
Today, I was working at a donation center. I was having a really rough day, so my fiancée dropped me off some cookies. At the end of my shift, the manager told me I couldn't take them home because they were donated and therefore they were "company property." FML
Today, after spending two hours baking cookies for my niece's school's fundraiser, I packed them into a container and drove to the school. When I got there, the teacher looked confused and said the fundraiser was next Saturday. By the time the actual date arrived, every cookie had been eaten by my family. FML
Today, my niece offered me a slice of cake. After I refused, she asked, "Why not? Aren't fat people always hungry?" FML
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Top comments
thee_most_dope 30
maybe she meant junk food? or....i really dont know.
201chasew 22
I'm not sure if it was an awkward rejection to your cookies, or that she may be anorexic which is a much more serious problem.
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Comments (68)
CaroAurelia 12
If she doesn't eat food, that might be her problem, not yours.
timmeeeee 10
what did you say "you want to eat my cookie?"
dc2fresh 15
how is that an fml if she don't want yo cookies leave her alone
NotDarkKnight 27
Today, someone asked me if I wanted to buy some cookies. My mouth awkwardly responded "I dont eat food." FML
PennyLane27 32
Now I want cookies!
Goblin182 27
New FML rule. No mentioning cookies unless you bring enough for everyone.
CptnWalrusBacon 1
You should've just breathed on her. She doesn't eat food so she's obviously a plant. Give her some carbon dioxide for photosynthesis
cornyrob 33
She could be on a liquid diet or on a hunger strike.
kbug95 12
Maybe she eats people. O.o
josh7279 7
Why is this even a FML?
giraffebear 11
She may be on a liquid only diet due to a medical condition.