Today, my girlfriend and I had gotten tipsy and found ourselves in the bedroom. We started to fool around and she leaned over to put her watch on the nightstand. I tried to undo her bra, which surprised her, because she elbowed me in the nose so hard that I ended up passing out from the pain. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my girlfriend told me that last night after I got drunk, I passed out mid-pump while we were knocking boots. FML
Today, my girlfriend was getting up to leave and I, trying to be romantic, got up behind her and tried to swing her back down onto the bed and kiss her simultaneously, misjudged the distance and threw her into the wall, her head then bounced off the wall and into my forehead, spraining her nose. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I reconciled after having a huge fight last week. We went out drinking, and things got pretty intense, so we went back to my place. We made it to the bedroom, but somewhere between her taking off my shirt and me taking off her pants, we both passed out. FML
Today, I was at my girlfriend's house, and she was tickling me. It got a bit rough, and she fell out of bed and hit the floor. Her parents, thinking we'd been fighting, burst into the room to see her holding her bloody nose. She didn't say anything while her dad kicked my ass. FML
Today, I went out with a girl who I really love. We arrived to her house and before she got out of the car, I attempted to kiss her as planned. Still drunk, I grabbed her head and twisted it when I kissed her. She's now wearing a neck brace. Real smooth. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were drinking wine naked after sex. He went to get another glass, but on the way back tripped and fell flat on his face. His roommate unexpectedly came home, saw him face-down on the floor, thought I'd drugged him and tackled me before I could explain. FML
Today, I went out drinking with my friends and my boyfriend met me there. We then decided to come home, planning an intimate moment. Once home, I got on top of him and went to kiss his neck. Next thing I know, I'd fallen asleep right before we'd even started. FML
Today, I drove my girlfriend home around 11pm to her garage where we started to have sex. When she came to climax she slipped and hit her head. Her parents heard the crash and came down; we were both still naked, and she was unconscious. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were getting intimate and planning on having sex for the first time. I picked her up off the couch, and in so doing, accidentally lifted her too high, putting her head through the ceiling. She had a mild concussion. FML
Today, my girlfriend snuck up behind me to cover my eyes and play "guess who." The second her hands touched my face, I grabbed her, twisted her wrists, and kneed her to the floor out of instinct. FML
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Top comments
Darkon 0
Booby trapped?
FPsLife 5
And then she had her way with you?
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Comments (32)
natasha_tailor 0
awww
proud_liberal 0
you and your girlfriend are alcoholics
Sessee 4
What are you, fifty? That's the way it seems with the way you phrased this shit.
daarlingdamsel 0
You drunk! (name that TV show :))
Slackness 10
Pff, fail is you...
plexico 4
I'm not buying this story. He probably passed out because it was the first time he saw naked female breasts in the flesh. You ought to suggest that your girlfriend take up dating men.
blueworld_fml 0
Anybody notice how much crazy drunk shit is coming out of Maine these days? I really didn't think Mainers got tipsy or undid each other's bras...
MadeOfAwesome 1
Why do you think they're called "Mainiacs"? ;D
xClarkGable 0
Don't have sex while tipsy?
justanotherhuman 21
Easy FYL. However, no worries Glassjaw. Any of the numerous nerve bundles on the face, when severely interrupted from contact, cause the brain to perform a biological function akin to a lights-out switch that places us unconscious; the means of giving a body time to run a quick diagnostic, and initiate repairs. Disrupt any of these nerve bundles severely enough and you're out like a light. In boxing, as you may well know: it's the glass-jaw hit. Even the hardest and thickest boxer goes down with a proper strike. Just think of your experience as the horny equivalent of a funny bone ding!
xxrogerthatxx 19
The ****?
pplrretards 0
hahahaha #14 ily hahahahaha