Today, my girlfriend and I were trying something new. I ended up with a shard of glass in my back and a concussion. Don't have sex on a glass table. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I learned that I do not possess the upper body, core, or leg strength to hold my girlfriend up during sex. I simultaneously collapsed and dropped her onto her coffee table. We are now both being treated at the hospital; her for glass wounds, me for a concussion. FML
Today, I slashed my ass open with a shard of glass. How? I was making out with my crush, and threw my glasses on the ground. I forgot about them when we decided to lie down. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were getting intimate and planning on having sex for the first time. I picked her up off the couch, and in so doing, accidentally lifted her too high, putting her head through the ceiling. She had a mild concussion. FML
Today, my girlfriend smashed a glass in my face. When I went to the hospital, the first thing the nurse did was ask what I did to upset her, and then muttered that she hoped I'd learned a lesson. FML
Today, my friend hit a glass with her arm, so I dove to try and catch it before it hit the ground and shattered. I hit my head against the table, giving me a nice gash that needed stitches. The glass was actually plastic. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I tried to have sex in the shower. While trying to support her weight, as we got into things, I slipped backwards on the wet floor and fell through the Pyrex side of the shower, with her crashing down on me. I now have bits of Pyrex in my back and have to replace the shower side. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate. He picked me up and threw me over his shoulder to take me to his room. He wasn't careful enough, and dropped me right on my head, on the hardwood floor. I ended up vomiting and came down with a headache. He still wanted to have sex. FML
Today, at a house party someone smashed and spilled their drink. In my own drunken state, I decided to get the mop as someone might fall. I then fell over it and ended up with glass in my side. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. Feeling goofy, I thought it’d be funny to try to reenact that horrible sex scene from the movie Showgirls. I threw my body back, but completely lost my balance and smashed my head on the headboard. I ended up with a bad concussion and a huge hospital bill. FML
Today, I ran up to my boyfriend to kiss him when he got home from work. I tripped and I fell on him, and he fell backwards. He ended up hitting his head on the sidewalk and had to get stitches. He also had a concussion. FML
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Top comments
ktm71125 19
Thanks for the tip. On another note what on Earth made you think having sex on a glass table was a good idea. FYL
Chiroptera_Man 10
Talk about rough sex.
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Comments (83)
ToxicMoo33 18
Lol
LiNdSaY2 5
That sucks but you kinda deserve it.
grimpeeper 13
You, sir, earn the prize for being the dumbass of the year.
Erikaaa262 6
?
kalbrek009 20
Could have been a "pain in the ass" as a shard got lodged in a cheek or ...well, you know.
dannnngthatsux 19
Uh, duh, glass tables are only for shows. You watching her, her watching you, you get the idea, 1 on, 1 off, both getting off. Don't you watch 'Drawn Together'?
bloodwraith96 16
Maybe think about how much weight a table of a breakable substance can take. I mean you can hold onto it but not be on it
kingrod 10
how did YOU end up with glass in ur back?
HeadHunter23 5
How have you lived this long?
FweakofCydonia 40
Maybe OP watched a lot of movies. :)