Today, while I was at my girlfriend's house, I picked up her cat and held him like he was baby Simba. Apparently he didn't enjoy that, because he managed to somehow leap out of my hands and attach himself to my chest, claws extended. I now have four one-inch-long gashes on my chest. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my cat jumped on my shoulders, but stepped in my hood and choked me and when I panicked she dug her claws into my shoulders. FML
Today, my kitten was playing with the drawstring on my pajama pants. He then jumped, clinging on to my crotch. I screamed in pain, which scared him and made him hold on tighter. My cat was literally hanging from my vagina with its claws for a good 30 seconds before I could pry him off. FML
Today, my cat was laying on my chest while I was in bed. I farted, which my closed legs seemed to amplify. My cat was so scared, she used me as a launching pad and cut my chest in three places with her claws. FML
Today, my cat woke me up by sharpening his claws on my breast. FML
Today, I was laying on the couch when my cat decided to join. Instead of jumping, he opted to climb. While he was climbing, he put his paw on my junk and got his claws stuck there. He then tried to force them out, which hurt even more. It took almost a full minute to break him free. FML
Today, I was messing with my cat by moving my hand around under the sheets to make it look like a mouse, making him pounce at it. Without thinking, I brought my hand up to scratch my nose and was immediately attacked by flailing claws. FML
Today, I awoke to my cat sitting on my chest. That wouldn't be so bad if I hadn't tried to get her off. She promptly went crazy and scratched me. My fiancée, who was sleeping next to me, hit me, called me cruel, and told me to apologize to the cat. I did. FML
Today, I heard my cat climbing on the counters in the kitchen. To prevent a tremendous avalanche of dishes, I picked up the cat and put it outside. She got scared from the blinds and scurried away leaving deep scratches across my nipple. I wasn't wearing a shirt. FML
Today, I was walking around my house without a shirt on after my shower. I picked up my cat and walked around the corner… Just as my dad turned on the vacuum. Now I have 6 rather deep bloody holes in my shoulder and chest. FML
Today, I disciplined my cat for meowing too loudly in my apartment and disturbing neighbors by picking her up by the scruff. She then proceeded to scratch the ever living crap out of my hand, now it looks like Wolverine got a hold of me. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
coolster56 0
that's sorta cute next time don't lift cats
Djlatino 0
Simba wasn't very happy
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (121)
XanimalloverX 0
cats are better then dogs cats are therapudic its been proven that stroking a cat lowers your blood pressure. not to mention cats cuddle with you they don't have to be walked. cats are easier to take care of they shit in boxes not all over your backyard so that means you won't step in cat shit on your shoe
XanimalloverX 0
I'd rather clean out a litter box then be raking up dog shit and unknowingly step in dog shit. cats basically take care of themselves
trainman_NL 0
LOL, the OP's nickname made me laugh..
Jman0509 0
you deserve it for blasphomy. never hold some common house cat as if he were the great simba. it is disrespectful
Secret_Fire_King 0
Yeah, leave Snick alone, you faceless monsters.. haha.. You don't even have your own pics up, so why are you judging a 16 girls photos.. You could be a 40 year old hermit man, for all we know.. Dirty pervs.. lol..
Scourge87 0
#52 LittleKuriboh FTW !!! Seriously, most epic Abridged Series ever.
drewrox 0
I'm guessing that hurts real bad
Scourge87 0
You should know better than to hold a pissed off cat thats not yours, in such an uncomfortable position too. That is actually the way I hold my cat when I'm scolding it, with her facing me, in between slapping her lightly over the head. She does understand she has done wrong from both treatments, and sure as hell doesn't like it at all.
ChihiruLee 0
Um okaaaay Animal Abuser. She has NO idea what you are thinking, feeling, or saying to her. They have the vocabulary of a two year old and very short memory span. Their cerebral cortex is much smaller than a dogs. This said, the better thing to do is use a water bottle, and spray the cat the moment she/he does something you don't want them too. Picking them up and smacking them is stupid. You're retarded and abusive.
drewrox 0
I have both dogs and cats and love them both to death. they all get along. and have no problems with them
twmegee 0
OH NOES! you got four little scratchesand you whine on FML for something you deserved anyways.