Today, while I was at my girlfriend's house, I picked up her cat and held him like he was baby Simba. Apparently he didn't enjoy that, because he managed to somehow leap out of my hands and attach himself to my chest, claws extended. I now have four one-inch-long gashes on my chest. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my cat jumped on my shoulders, but stepped in my hood and choked me and when I panicked she dug her claws into my shoulders. FML
Today, my kitten was playing with the drawstring on my pajama pants. He then jumped, clinging on to my crotch. I screamed in pain, which scared him and made him hold on tighter. My cat was literally hanging from my vagina with its claws for a good 30 seconds before I could pry him off. FML
Today, my cat was laying on my chest while I was in bed. I farted, which my closed legs seemed to amplify. My cat was so scared, she used me as a launching pad and cut my chest in three places with her claws. FML
Today, my cat woke me up by sharpening his claws on my breast. FML
Today, I was laying on the couch when my cat decided to join. Instead of jumping, he opted to climb. While he was climbing, he put his paw on my junk and got his claws stuck there. He then tried to force them out, which hurt even more. It took almost a full minute to break him free. FML
Today, I was messing with my cat by moving my hand around under the sheets to make it look like a mouse, making him pounce at it. Without thinking, I brought my hand up to scratch my nose and was immediately attacked by flailing claws. FML
Today, I awoke to my cat sitting on my chest. That wouldn't be so bad if I hadn't tried to get her off. She promptly went crazy and scratched me. My fiancée, who was sleeping next to me, hit me, called me cruel, and told me to apologize to the cat. I did. FML
Today, I heard my cat climbing on the counters in the kitchen. To prevent a tremendous avalanche of dishes, I picked up the cat and put it outside. She got scared from the blinds and scurried away leaving deep scratches across my nipple. I wasn't wearing a shirt. FML
Today, I was walking around my house without a shirt on after my shower. I picked up my cat and walked around the corner… Just as my dad turned on the vacuum. Now I have 6 rather deep bloody holes in my shoulder and chest. FML
Today, I disciplined my cat for meowing too loudly in my apartment and disturbing neighbors by picking her up by the scruff. She then proceeded to scratch the ever living crap out of my hand, now it looks like Wolverine got a hold of me. FML
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Top comments
coolster56 0
that's sorta cute next time don't lift cats
Djlatino 0
Simba wasn't very happy
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Comments (121)
XanimalloverX 0
cats are mini ninjas
V_S234 0
*inch-long.* Say "one-in-long" makes you sound like a dweebhead.
Six23 1
That's why you get a dog in the first place...
KYTRwerepyre 0
oh no one-inch!!! ive had cat 'gashes' all up my leg, arms and got given a black eye... turns out cats dont like biscuits that smell, look and taste like fish but will attack people for cherries...
jbadvocacy 2
YTMFDI
MrBright_side 0
okay, so here's what you gotta do next time this happens: don't post the story on here, and make up an outrageous story about how you got the claw marks. it'll be more impressive, and less embarrasing.
Sofeee 0
sexy
ScooterScott 0
Shut the hell up Snick. GTFO! ***** puts up topless pics.
Mercyful 0
lol.
hiitisbrooke 28
freddy crueger