Today, I went downstairs early in the morning to watch a movie. As I walked into the living room and reached for the light switch, I heard my dad say, "Knew you'd change your mind. Get them off." followed by the sound of a zipper being undone. I've never been so mortified in my life. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I snuck downstairs to watch a midnight movie. One moment I'm trying to plug my headphones in, in the dark, and the next my dad's beating the shit out of me with a baseball bat. Turns out he snuck down after me for a midnight snack and thought I was a burglar disconnecting the TV. FML
Today, I heard my parents having sex for the first time so I turned the TV up really loud to drown out the noise, and a minute or two later my mom comes downstairs in this skimpy nightgown to ask me why the TV was so loud and, seeing the horror on my face, kept asking what was wrong with me. FML
Today, I started watching porn in my room with the volume muted. A minute later, my dad knocked on the door, so I closed everything and called him in. He just said, "Son, you disgust me." and walked out. Now I'm too paranoid to use my own computer. FML
Today, I decided to be adventurous and give my boyfriend head in the downstairs TV room. Just as he was about to come, I heard someone walking towards the door. I took my mouth off to get up and lock the door right as he came. I didn't make it to the door but my dad saw something he will never forget. FML
Today, I finally told my parents I would be changing bedrooms because I could no longer stand hearing them having sex, which is awkward and disturbing. Later, my dad came and asked me quietly if I thought my mom sounded "satisfied." FML
Today, I was making out with my girlfriend at her house. When things started heating up, I heard the front door open and my girlfriend said that it must be her Dad. She handed me my clothes, pushed me out the window, and told me to knock at the front door. Her Dad answered, holding my shoes. FML
Today, I was getting it on with my boyfriend when my dad opened the door. I thought I hadn't been seen because the door was only open a tiny bit. I then looked into the mirror by the door to see my dad's reflection, staring at mine, horrified. I was on top. FML
Today, I was getting out of the shower and realized I’d forgotten to lock the bathroom lock. I heard someone coming towards the door and panicked. I hid behind the curtain and tried to stay completely still, but my dad walked in, saw me standing there like a statue, and just said, “Oh, erm, I’ll come back later.” FML
Today, I was watching a movie in the basement with my boyfriend when we started to get a little frisky. My mom walks down with dirty laundry and tells him to stop it because I'm creaming all over my undies. She showed him a pair of dirty ones to prove it. FML
Today, I came home a little earlier than usual, only to walk in on my dad frantically trying to remove a ballgag from my mom's mouth. FML
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Top comments
smile2312 16
oh goodness, what happened after???
carebear1228 20
another victim petrified by thier father's basilisk.
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Comments (117)
smile2312 16
oh goodness, what happened after???
JMichael 26
The bad start to a porno movie..
Schizomaniac 24
Are there ever any good starts to porno movies?
Hoopachi 19
Surprise buttsex
Jflowers9296 14
It's her father!!!!!! Where did you think that would be appropriate or funny?
ZombieSazza 34
The Lannisters & Targaryens would approve of porno like that! #30, theres a shit tonne of father/daughter **** on the Internet... So... Y'know...
RedPillSucks 33
this is one FML that should NOT be illustrated
Roskie 16
No one is saying anything the original post didn't imply.
demonte_jones 19
#27 that wasn't clever nor funny #30 calm your ****
alexanderavatar 24
how do you know? what do you watch
BoltTheSuperdog 22
#44: It's still possible though.
Jflowers9296 14
K
DemHaxBro 20
Go buy some mind bleech
ChristinePi 36
Bleach*
killer6969 16
Bleech is the next form of bleach, much stronger and efficient and seriously necessary.
B1ackthesun 31
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
65 where on earth did you get that idea? the Chemical is Sodium Hypochlorite more commonly known as bleach or chlorine. There is no stronger version called 'bleech' google 'bleech chemical' I guarantee google will correct it. Possibly sad I know that much about bleach but I work in a laboratory I can't help it!
BigC_from_Bama 16
My gut tells me he was joking #66
cmchappy 25
Got all scientific to look smart oh the irony
firemedic841 11
#66 used too much bleach when dihydrogen monoxide was in order.
B1ackthesun 31
Your gut is correct 67, but I'm not surprised or concerned by the down votes Some times facetious moods strike me ;)
Fymlife 14
#66 You must have a hard time grasping the concept of sarcasm.
deathshead 19
I dont know about 66, but the thing that makes sarcasm hard for me is that its not being verbally said and im always "sarcastic" weither I axtually am or not.
jessie841 11
Wow that must have been awkward... Sorry you had to deal with your dad mistaking you as your mom. But I am curious as to what you did... I think we need a follow up!
Amydervaux 20
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
This is one of the moments I'm very glad to have divorced parents.
xKrisSmoove 21
Wouldn't that mean your dad would have been talking to you, his daughter?
TH_Insomniak 15
#16 oh god... not that porno
Fmlsea 28
there could've been a similar situation if you lived with your dad and he had a gf who was either staying or living at the house too.
carebear1228 20
another victim petrified by thier father's basilisk.
Karinrinkashi 9
that comment...
RedPillSucks 33
ball sack?
moosetracks22 10
Basilisk- a type of snake/serpent, see Harry Potter and the chamber of secrets for more info. But seeing your father's ball sack would be equally frightening
Attacksloth 33
LMFAO THIS IS HONESTLY THE BEST REPLY I THINK I'VE EVER READ
Wallflowerchild 12
The Chamber of Secrets has been opened. Enemies of the Heir beware.
emilytheperson 17
Noo D: that's the worst.
Zwerik 31
Oh my god... I really want to know what happened next, actually.
vsus98 22
Your profile pic is approriate.
Yazoo77 16
RIP OP's ears.
Anonypus 20
Good luck erasing that memory!
KingLewisII 34
This is what happens when you tell your dad you're feeling naughty
Thoricsteam20 24
I see what you did there.